I love Sturm so much. She was my favorite part of the GBF anime even with the small amount of screen time she got.

Raw here: /g/1037144/4f73d199ec/

With the advice from Crystalium, I made some corrections to a lot of the pages in this gallery.

There were a few places that were mistranslated due to my confusion.

Overall, this should read better and be more accurate.

> Cow Girl
> Has sex but not in the cowgirl position.
Man, this is not what I expected!

Still enjoyed it. Thanks for the TL.

Last edited on 16 January 2018, 22:42.

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Who can resist a big titty cow girl who calls you a baka.

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Oh wow! I've been looking forward to seeing one of this artist's works being translated, and you've done it! Thanks translator!

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Thanks for the translation. I really enjoy this character pairing. I wish they had more of a presence in the anime. Do you think you’ll translate other stories by this artist?

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{I sent a forum PM to you as well if you want to look at that}

I have gone through cross-checking the whole story, and while there's not really much to complain about translation-wise, there are some things of note I would like to bring up:

{And quickly, as for why I even bothered checking the translation: The entire series of Sturm x Drang stories by this author were actually stories I had my eye on and planned to eventually do, and whenever a story I am personally interested in get translated by a translator I'm not familiar with, I check it to make sure the translation was done well. It's not like I saw something that made me doubt the translation accuracy or anything. Your translation is definitely fine overall. Just some small things that can easily be fixed.}

Page 3:
・It should be "You're making fun of me, aren't you...?", not "You're an idiot...". (バカにする means "to make fun of, take s.o. for a fool", not "to be an idiot")
・For the same reason as the above change, "That's why you're an idiot!" should be changed to "You really are making fun of me...!"

Page 8:
・It's not just "It's (very) clean.", it's "I washed it, so it's (very) clean." [The word "very" is optional. I personally would not use it if I translated this, but including it is no big harm done.]
・The small out-of-bubble text was admittedly hard to read in the Japanese, so I understand why the translation for it would be somewhat off, but the Japanese text was 「ちょっと海の味するけど～」, which literally means "It sort of has the taste of the sea though~", which I would choose to instead render in a translation as "It might taste a bit salty though (because of all the sea water)...", where including the text within the parentheses is optional.

Page 15:
・It isn't "That was a nice one...<3" (presumably spoken by him), it is "Th...at place is dir...<3" (spoken by her; きたなっ was a cut-off utterance of 汚い (きたない) "dirty")

Page 16:
・Not a translation issue, but adding "away' to "Move your mouth" makes her intent clearer. Actually, an even better sentence is "Take your mouth away"

Page 17:
・Not a translation issue, but "My body feels strange' is better than "My body is weird"

Page 18:
・It's not "I wasn't really being mean, so it's okay.", it's "It's not pee, so it's alright.". (She felt distressed that she got his face wet due to him licking her there, so he reassures her that it's no problem to him and that don't worry, it's not like she peed on him or anything, she just felt good enough that she got really wet, which is not at all an issue for him)
・"I'll make you feel nice now <3" should be past tense "I made you feel good, didn't I? <3".
・"W-What are you doing now...?" should by "W-Why are you..." [short for "W-Why (何で) are you doing this sort of thing again (また)?"], which then makes the next bubble sound better with "Because" rather than "I mean".
・Also, as a random note, because this phrase appears all the time in hentai works, do not feel compelled to actually translate the term ちゃんと in all cases. For instance, using just "take responsibility" for ちゃんと責任を取る is fine - You can include the "proper(ly)" if you want, but don't feel required to.

Page 20:
・There should be a ", but" after "doesn't hurt", and a "then" after "start moving"

Page 21:
・There is no "Hey" (it was これ, here meaning "This (position)", not こら). The whole sentence of the bubble should be "I can't <3 see your face like this, so..."
・The bubble right after that one should be "I don't like it", not "No...Don't" (the やだ refers to her expressing her dislike of the situation of her not seeing his face. It is part of the same sentence of the previous bubble, connected by the previous bubble's から)

Page 25:
・It's not "Ah, earlier, I was going to tell you something," / "so I'll say it now.", it is "Before you tell me something like that," / "i-isn't there something you have to say first?...".
・Then the bubble after that should be "If you want me to forgive you, say that first and then reflect upon your actions......".
・Then the next bubble should be " "That"..." (here, include " " around the word to show he's quoting her and is wondering for a second what she means by "that", so that the text looks like 「"That"...」 minus the brackets)

Page 26:
・Not a translation error, but I would recommend "reflect upon your actions" rather than "reflect properly" (this is another case where you could choose to not translate ちゃんと to have a more natural sounding English sentence).
・The bubble after the previous one should be "Even though you say that, Sturm(-dono), you seem completely elat-.... / Ouch!" ("elat-" is a cut-off utterance for "elated")

----------

Also in general, not a translation issue, but I would say try to be more consistent in using punctuation like commas, and especially periods, properly, as there were many places where you should have used these punctuation marks. Making sure to use punctuation properly will make your translation look more polished. There were also some places where you put a empty gap between two lines in a bubble where there was no need for a gap. Also extremely minor, but there was at least 1 place (first panel of page 3 is the only one I recall atm) where you forgot to add a heart to the text.

On a more dubious note, I don't know if the official English translation included a translation for the "-dono" honorific that Drang always uses for Sturm's name. I personally tend to use honorifics, so I would have used "Sturm-dono" (or at lease whatever English equivalent the official translation might have used) rather than just "Sturm", but not using the honorific is okay, especially if the official English translation just has Drang call her "Sturm" with no English or Japanese honorific.

Edit: Improvements made. Nice work :)

Last edited on 18 January 2018, 00:37.

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This is absolutely fantastic.

Base +8, Paizurikin +10, firedragon89 +12, jfragrettel +8, MechWarriorNY +10

Thanks for translating this, Eno Yukimis stuff is great

Base +6, firedragon89 +12, jfragrettel +8, Paizurikin +10

Cow who likes doggy style

Base +7, firedragon89 +12, jfragrettel +8

#1: /g/1235587/0a34d05a4b/

#2: <-- You are here

#3: Tsuzuki o Onedari Shite mo Ii desu ka?

#4: Race no Ato wa Otanoshimi

#5: /g/1201011/4610ae696c/

#6: /g/1195690/182c3b4df2/

#7: /g/1175500/cf3098db09/

#8: /g/1569894/6b76433b43/

#9: /g/1393576/b1d40f2924/

#10: /g/1413703/3510704378/

#11: /g/1513834/c36cb49661/

#12: /g/1598478/bb0851040c/

#13: /g/1569901/9cb680a1bd/

#14: switch

#15: /g/2613609/5806508d33/

#16: Drasts + α Matome

#17: /g/2944167/3142ee5413/

#18: Kizuichatta

Last edited on 02 November 2024, 03:47.

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