[Shimofuritei] Igai to Ubui 18-gou-san o Nanpa shite Kokoro no Soko kara Toroke sasete miru w | I'll try to melt 18's heart (Dragon Ball Z) [English] [jstiff174]
This was my first attempt at translating. I mainly did it for myself but decided to upload it so that others may enjoy. It isn't perfect but I feel that it is a good attempt.
Not trying to rain on your parade, but from what I've read and comparing it to the source material, this is less of a translation and more of a rewrite. It seems to be following the original very loosely, and at times, whole nuances in the text are chucked out, simplified, or not even there at all in some cases.
めちゃくちゃ イヤらしい恰好だ 恥ずかしくないのか? 全然無表情だぞ? She's in this absolutely filthy-looking pose. Isn't she embarrassed? What's with that totally blank expression of hers?
While there's a place for rewrites here, it's definitely better if you advertise your stuff as a rewrite as opposed to a translation if it's not following the original's story. Nice effort nonetheless, although next time, please make it clear it's a rewrite (and please don't use Comic Sans. God).
But I did notice this thanks to you, so maybe I'll take a little hand at translating it myself.
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