TLer (Goggled Anon) here, couple of critques on the proofreading:
p3 I would lose the TN note since a) It's not something I, the translator, put there in the first place, and b) it's got nothing to do with the Japanese context or even Japanese slang in general.
p10 >As it is. ありのままで is the Japanese version of Let It Go from Frozen, so Kei's basically telling Aikawa to sing Let It Go in English.
Base +6, MarvN +6, Nenio +10, 8055 +25, vsundae +3