RAW: /g/1270058/ad0648ab87/

This was commissioned by a Anon in discord.

This is the first time I get paid to translate a doujin, it was interesting and I really like the art of this artist.

Keep calm and Homete, homete, homete!

Thanks for this upload! I love all the x-ray in here:p. 23 has an amazing internal view of the creampie finish. Good translation. I hope this brings you many more paid commissions, keep up the good work!

Base +43, dankestdungeon -16, Oberek -10, Dead-chan -1, Infigar -6, sgc_geh -9, Takepyon -6, EvilSanta -6, kondoriyano -6, Juggernaut Santa -29, SCSS -19, darklord1235 -9, StillWind -28, and 1 more...

imagine paying for this level of QUALITY

edit: some feedback:

5:
things naturally happens -> happen
'is not enough master' -> it's not enough master
'its' (2 times) -> it's
'just feel too much good' -> just feels too good
6:
im -> i'm
7:
seens -> seems
variuos -> various
'jealous of she' -> jealous of her
8:
'this is a important thing' -> this is an important thing
'are you joking right?' -> you're joking, right?
9: I have to ask, why is there an upside down exclamation point there?
10:
'Master are licking me' -> master is licking me

That, and a general lack of punctuation and general English competency. Please, use periods. And commas. And apostrophes. And well, i hope you consult some resources like grammarly and native English speakers to better this language.
Also, consult some typesetting guides. There wasn't a single bubble that didn't look horrible, when it was all squished to 70% horizontally or something.

Last edited on 08 January 2020, 07:40.

Base +10, dankestdungeon +16, RedGryphon0 +6, Oberek +10, Infigar +6, David Carrero -6, Paizurikin +11, shotgundudebro +7, sgc_geh +9, Dead-chan +1, lenzen +8, oheye +9, kurzwaltz messer +7, and 32 more...

@MarvN

You don't have to imagine it, it's right here!

Baka~ Aho~

Base +19, dankestdungeon +16, Oberek +10, David Carrero -6, Takepyon +6, Dead-chan +1, narc123 +7, CatgirlFanatic +7, Teh_Red_Guy -11, Derhguy443 +5

@MarvN

I was working as a translator of VN for over 3 years, its the 1st time that my friend and i decided to translate a doujin, we were encouraged by someone in our old chat and we say, Why not? Its not the best editing quality, but i think the translation its good enough, we will improve our edits over time, nobody makes it perfect at first

PD: im just doing the translation part, im not doing the edit or typing

Last edited on 08 January 2020, 07:54.

Base +4, Zaiup +6, David Carrero +6, dankestdungeon -16, LingeringMemories -13, Infigar -6, steven98 -4, Takepyon -6, EvilSanta -6, kondoriyano -6, SCSS -19, bonzaimonkey -11, -Shun- -23, and 2 more...

@Xerz

Just find a native English speaker to fix your grammar... Preferably someone who also knows how to use a spellchecker.

Base +19, Infigar +6, sgc_geh +9, Dead-chan +1, EvilSanta +6, SCSS +19, PinguPrin +7, Derhguy443 +5, elementalanubis +6

Overall:
- Text too close to the border of the bubble.
- Text keeps changing in font size.
- Text not properly centered.
- Text is stretched for some reason.
- Not using contractions to make the dialogue sound less clunky than you've already made it.
- Most text is awfully phrased and makes the reader think instead of fap. No good.
- Sound effect notes do not use strokes and are in the way.
- "Whiting out" of some things has been done, but there are no redraws.

Page 6:
- "Of course, some things naturally happens" is incorrect. The verb, "happen", should not have "s" because "things" is plural, not singular.
- Lacking punctuation at the end of sentences.
- Using wrong "it's".
- Using crossbar for "Its".
- Using wrong "it's" again.
- "Sex with master just feel too much good..." is completely wrong. Consider rephrasing. You use the verb, "feel" without "s" despite using a singular pronoun. Either something is "too much", or "too good". There is no such thing as "much good". "Sex with master just feels too good..." would be correct.

Page 7:
- The raw says "Alter", not "Jalter". At no point did he refer her as Jalter.
- No apostrophe for "I'm". "Im" is not a word.
- "Various" misspelt as "varuos".
- "Annoying" misspelt as "anoying".
- "Night after night, you and that woman have been having sex like animals in heat?" Where's the question?
- "Perhaps... are you jealous of she, Jalter?" Not "she". "Her". "She" is for subject. "Her" is for object.
- The "!?" is from the raw. Shows that you were too lazy to type it out with the same font you've been using.
- Misspelt "certainly" as "certanly".
- Misspelt "whatever" as "watever".

Page 8:
- Used article "a" before "important" when you should be using article "an" as "important" is pronounced with a vowel sound at the beginning.
- "This is a important thing that need to be done before the act" Using verb "need" without "s" even though "thing" is singular.
- "Are you joking right?" is incorrect. "Right" is a question tag which turns a sentence into a question. Thus, the first part of the question shouldn't begin with the present simple closed structure that you have done.

Page 9:
- Do NOT include upside-down exclamation marks or question marks in an English TL. It is used in Spanish, not English.

Page 10:
- "Master are licking me like that" is incorrect. "Master" is singular so you need to use "is".
- "His tongue it's going inside" cannot be one sentence.
- Correctly used "I'm" once and incorrectly used "Im" two more times after that.

Page 11:
- "Im" is incorrect.
- Ellipses require three full stops/periods, not two.

Page 12:
- Nobody uses "I wonder" in a request to someone.
- "Being hold like a princess doesnt feels bad" No end punctuation (as usual), "doesn't" doesn't have an apostrophe. "Princess" = singular. "Doesn't", good. "Feels", incorrect. "s" is only used on verbs in positive sentences. When negative, there is no "s". "Hold" is incorrect. You need to use "held".

I can continue pointing out the poor grammar in this chapter, but there's already been so many mistakes in 7 out of 26 pages. (cbf to list the rest)

Overall, if anyone were to self-insert, just be ready to be boning google translate-sensei.

Base +4, dankestdungeon +16, Dead-chan +1, Infigar +6, kurzwaltz messer +7, DJ_Puchuu +13, EvilSanta +6, Pr1de +16, shotgundudebro +7, icesonic +8, Dartok +7, XDDDDDDD +6, PinguPrin +7, and 13 more...

With this much specific feedback you got here for free I hope you at least fix(ed) the parts they point out, instead of going on the defensive. I have yet to see a "thank you", but got scapegoating from you instead.

>Jalter
And now we got reddit rewrites in these doujins.

Last edited on 16 February 2020, 14:22.

Base +7, DJ_Puchuu +13, Dartok +7, koty10 +6, SCSS +19, Doubles +8, phantasys +6, PinguPrin +7, CatgirlFanatic +7, admasterh4142 +8, Tarball +13, Reaver2u +6, x34 +7

@Xerz

Translating VNs for 3 years means nothing about the actual quality of those translations. Only that you did it. Basing it off this job, which you were actually PAID for apparently, I can't imagine those translations were good. You got some legitimate, good critique here. I advise you listen to it. Nobody starts out perfect, but they usually at least start out with something they properly understand, at least when they are getting paid to do it... or at least that's how it SHOULD be...

Side note: "and we say, Why not? Its not the best editing quality, but i think the translation its good enough,". If your response to the critique of the quality and grammar of your translation looks like that, then no, it's not good enough for a legitimate translation. If you can't get a native speaker to actually assist you then you should stick to translating to your native language honestly. There's already enough people making bad translations because they decided for some reason that they can make a "good enough" English translation even though they can't even speak English properly.

Base +6, SCSS +19, XionXIV +7, dankestdungeon +16, Derhguy443 +5, Teh_Red_Guy +11

Thanks to all of you for the feedback, i'm the editor (the one who bears all the blame for these errors), i slacked a little with the revision of this one, so the punctuation and some translation was pretty bad, i'm not a native english speaker but i've been studying english for a long time, maybe i need a refresh for grammar rules.

In the meantime, we're fixing this one, and make it better the next time.

Base +5, subz3ro +17, hoathan40000 +6, dj756 -6, dankestdungeon -16, EvilSanta +6, Holyjay +11, sgc_geh +9, renge +9

Who the fuck translated this? absolutely disgusting.
Fuck off reddit.

Base +6, dankestdungeon +16, BobDringus +6, CatgirlFanatic +7, lazorboy96 +6, Reaver2u +6

You know you're in for a treat when the first bubble you read is illiterate and compressed the width of the font to an obnoxious degree.

Seriously, how do you fuck up this bad in 2020?

Base +8, BobDringus +6, lazorboy96 +6

bunch of aspiring literature professors in the comment section jfc
sure its subpar with a bit of hiccups and there, but i can understand the story just fine, people be tripping over this

Base +7, Lewdovico -6, Teh_Red_Guy -11, mgran52 -9, smallestmoist -6, Tarball -13, renge -9, WinterWolfe -6, jindoko90 -6, Agr228 -5, LunaticSeibah -4, Dundrf -6, x34 -7, and 1 more...