This is my first translation from this artist, I'm planning to do them all in the future. I'm still a beginner, so I hope that the typesetting and translation are fine.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but the typesetting is not fine. But that's no reason to commit harakiri. It's nothing that can't be fixied with a bit of studiying typesetting guides and practice. Here are ome points where you can easily improve the typesetting: 1. Reduce the fontsize and find a basic size for the regular text (see RAW page 2 as example) and use it for all regular text through the entire work as much as you can. Use the original jap. textsize as reference where to break away from basic text and increase fontsize (see RAW page 1) 2. Try to give your text some room to breath and don't try to max out the space in the bubbles. It just makes your bubbles look cramped. 3. Try differentiate between regular speech and thought and narration by using italic (if you're not using it otherwise) or a different font for them. Using italic is a quick and simple way to sparkle up your typesetting quite a bit. 4. Avoid putting short words or punction in a line all by themselves if there is absolutely no need for it.
I'll leave some links for typesetting guides. Looking into guides and looking at works from top groups like RedLantern or LWB and see what they are doing different really helps to improve your skills.