So you didn't use the full resolution raws, didn't do any level adjustments, and didn't QC the script to make sure it was free of typos and actually made sense in English.
Please look into doing these things going forward. For one, when you're grabbing a raw from E-H, use the archive downloader to grab the original resolution. This makes sure you're working with the best material available, rather than images that are scaled down for web viewing. For another, the raws were not leveled, so it's kind of up to you as the editor to do that for your translation. And third, there are a bunch of typos and incorrect English grammar strewn throughout. A good QC pass will go a long way.
That's not getting into nitty-gritty stuff like font choice and placement and things like that, because frankly I'm a translator not an editor, so I'm just not qualified to give advice on that.
So yeah. Best of luck, hope to see you improve on future projects.