Since the other translation was met with overly negative responses, I've decided to give this gem the proper translation it deserves.
Want a doujin? Contact us at: [email protected]

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Nero is just better

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Thank you!

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Raw/Chinese: /g/1900556/a3f6c1a9c7/
English (poor grammer): /g/1905200/4b19098230/
English: /g/1985435/3736c7eea2/ (here)

Thanks for translating this!

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"Proper translation?" You mean rewrite?

p4
While using "wallet" instead of "food expenses" is perfectly fine since it can be passed off as localization, the two bubbles after that are totally wrong. Gudao did not come up with this plan; it's clear from the Japanese text that he learned about this method from elsewhere. Specifically, he's thinking, "In order to resolve this issue, I apparently need to force the servants I first summoned back to the Throne of Heroes. Tamamo and Nero, huh...?" So not only did you screw up that it wasn't his idea, but you even screwed up what the idea itself was--it wasn't that he was going to force every servant he fucked back to the Throne of Heroes, it was that he needed to get the original two he first summoned to go back.

Note that this author uses an interesting phrase to refer to Servants; instead of using 精霊 or 英霊 he uses 性霊, which would be something like "Lewd Spirit." Thus, if I wanted to be funny, I'd say "Throne of Eros" instead of "Throne of Heroes" but since this is just one book of many, it'd be up to how the translators before me did it. Unless they were all horrendous, in which case I suppose I'd have to redo every single book.

p5
Starting with Nero's lines:
Nero: Well, well, if it isn't our Master. Gone for so long I was quite certain you had absconded!
Tamamo: Lately I've seen you so infrequently that I can't properly resupply my mana, and I can't use anything but toys!"
Nero: How truly cruel you've been! Yet what a wonderful opportunity you've provided us!
Tamamo: You won't get away from us so easily!

The important parts that get missed here are Tamamo's line (she's not using toys to resupply mana; she's referring to her own sexual satisfaction alone) and Nero's second line (which you casually missed half of).

p6
After Gudao comments about how hot it is, Tamamo says, "Low-grade mana just won't do! That's why we have to make sure to get it as ripe as we can!" Specifically she's referring to making sure that he keeps from being able to ejaculate in order to 'ferment' his mana. Then she says, "Yang Energy Eruption! Tamamo's Heart Bullet!" Yin and Yang are very different kanji, and on top of that, it's a parody of something she actually says in F/GO, so....how? Oh right, because rewrite.

p7
Sadly this page was textless both in the original raw and in the raw included as part of the Fate/Lewd Summoning compilation. It only has text in the Taiwanese version, though hilariously the SFX on that page are in Japanese, not Chinese. As I do not speak or read Chinese nor do I claim to, I won't critique this page. In fact, it would be perfectly acceptable to just leave it textless since twice now the author had a chance to provide text in the Japanese version and declined to do so, meaning it's potentially an intentional decision on their part to leave it blank.

p8
Biggest problems are Nero's line being a little different from the JP, and Tamamo's line, with the latter being the biggest difference from the raw. "Know the depths of your foolishness and repent properly!"

p9
You completely changed Nero's line. What she actually said was, "It is insufficient to reach that limit alone! You shall once more feel the wrath of my Noble Phantasm!"

p10
Again, completely changing Tamamo's line. What she actually said in the bottom-right was, "Now I'm sure to be fully sa-tis-fied!☆" She's continuing the earlier sentence about how despite Nero always doing nonsensical crap, every so often she comes up with a decent idea--this being one of them.

And that's just 4 pages' worth. This all says nothing about your strange decision to upscale the book for no reason, since the digital raws are 1072x1500 (yes, even straight from DLSite, regardless of whether you buy this chapter individually or as part of the compilation). Why would you do this?

You just got lucky this whole time, apparently, because people like me weren't actually interested in the books you were translating. But lately you've done two that actually caught my eye, and so I went back and looked at other things you've done, and found this same pattern of poor work repeatedly. Please stop passing your rewrites off as "translations." Learn Japanese properly, become a decent translator, then try again anew. Or heck, at least come clean as to how you could mess simple, obvious phrases up this badly.

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If you check the other two doujins we "rewrite" (the touhou futa doujin and the other fate doujin) you will notice that the other translation was bad (read the comments there) and that the second didn't make sense in some pages (that's why it was rewrite). The same goes here. I found the other english translation was really bad (broken english, 0 redraw, MTL) so here we translate it. You are right with the things you are saying, but please don't just think that we "rewrite from what is already done". Also, some things we had to look in the wiki to understand it, not all of us are fgo player. Anyways, thanks for your comment that will help us to improve in the future.

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The other doujin I saw was your HIMEHINA doujin, actually, not one from F/GO. Also, at no point did I accuse you of rewriting from what was already done. I'm accusing you of rewriting rather than properly translating.

I do appreciate you being upfront and admitting to it, however. That's a step in the right direction. Anyone who's willing to admit their mistakes, learn from them, and strive to improve is fine in my book. If you really are trying to learn Japanese, then I wish you the best in your studies and hope you can come back someday with proper translations. Peace!

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As the translator, and excuse my Name on here, I will have to disagree.

This doujin had some rather interesting choice of words ( such as using ピストン to describe what the master is doing) which I may have failed to communicate.
However this was all translated from scratch and I think it is very mean to accuse us of rewriting something here. Rewrite from the Aqua TL? lol

Some things I've had changed after translation to better fit the context of the situation, so in a way I may have changed more than intended.

I do understand that you might have appreciated a more accurate translation with the proper language they used, I will try to recognize such things in the future.

Another thing that interests me quite a lot is if you found anything wrong with the TL of the HimeHina Doujin. How can you consider it a rewrite if there was no translation before?

I will accept all the feedback I can get here.
My partner in crime here chose this doujin and did the editing, so naturally their reaction is stingy to being accused of rewriting.

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"How can you consider it a rewrite if there was no translation before?"

That's... not what 'rewrite' means.

https://ehwiki.org/wiki/rewrite

"An individual has filled in their own text either in place of the original text or where there was none."

It means you ignored (or horribly mistranslated) the original text. Key word, "original". The raw. The Japanese. Not "translated". Not "Chinese". Not "English".

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@IronDong

Firstly, rewriting is not whatever it is you're thinking of. Rewriting is adding/removing text to/from the original work. Which you have done by mistranslating/cutting out dialogue. It has nothing to do with taking from some other translation.

Secondly:

"This doujin had some rather interesting choice of words ( such as using ピストン to describe what the master is doing) which I may have failed to communicate."

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/piston#:~:text=(intransitive)%20To%20move%20up%20and,and%20out%20like%20a%20piston.

"piston" is not a difficult thing to communicate in English. It's a verb all on its own. A native English speaker would know this, which you do not appear to be. If you are not a native English speaker, why are you releasing "translations" for public consumption in a language that is not your own mother tongue?

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Hello IronDong, thank you for joining.

As others have pointed out, you and AZX555 have misunderstood what "rewrite" means. It does not mean that you took an existing translation and reworked it. It means that you took a book that was in Japanese, and rather than actually translating the Japanese into English, you decided instead to just make up what was in the bubbles (ostensibly because you could not actually figure out what was being said). The fact that you do not understand ピストン, an absolute mainstay of Japanese ero-manga for almost half a century, tells me everything I need to know about your (lack of) Japanese comprehension abilities.

"I changed things to better fit the context" is a cop-out way of admitting that you had absolutely no clue what the context was, and instead just guessed based on the imagery. You failed to actually understand what the author was conveying, so you put your own words there. That is, quite literally, what a "rewrite" is. Your HIMEHINA doujin, and in fact all your previous works are guilty of this very same thing. I've pointed out concrete examples of this above. And as I mentioned earlier, the only reason you've been able to get away with this thus far is because none of the books you had worked on actually caught the eye of any actual translators. Had you not done that HIMEHINA book and this one, you might have actually gotten away with it. Sadly, those books caught my eye, and here we are.

From translator to translator, I implore you to actually further your Japanese studies before attempting to release anything more for public consumption. You are clearly not up to the task just yet. I'm not sure how you are learning, but I would personally recommend drilling yourself on particle words and verb conjugation first, and if at all possible, attending actual classes with a native Japanese speaker as the professor. There are a lot of little nuances to the language that books may not convey, and that you will absolutely miss if you are self-taught. Trust me--I did it for ten years before taking formal classes, and I really wish I had taken them sooner once I did.

As I mentioned before, I am glad that you can admit to your problems (even if you didn't quite understand what they were), and I hope that you can improve. E-H absolutely needs proper translators right now, as it is currently under scourge from randos who think that translation is just copy->replace Japanese word to English word and that DeepL is perfect. The more people we can get who actually understand Japanese and have a firm grasp over English, the better. But at least for now, that is not you.

Peace.

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