All rights by Saki Chisuzu.

In reply to your advice on the credit page to learn hiragana, why don't you start by learning on how to properly typeset a manga. You can have the best possible translation in the world, but if you typeset it like this it will be perceived as shit. Typesetting is an underestimated and tricky art. If done well most people won't notice it but if done poorly it will break your translation.
The font choice is questionable. Same goes for how you placed the text inside the bubbles. Redrawing is just slapping white boxes on the japanese text without even trying to reconstruct the image covered by the japanese text.

Here are some links that can teach you how to improve your typesetting:
https://www.insidescanlation.com/etc/the-idiots-guide-to-editing-manga/guide/main
https://www.ruinevil.com/rawr/editguide/index.html
https://quicksandscans.wordpress.com/resources/

Base +19, Bob64 +7, IngmarS +6, JukanX +26, 151132 +8, hardwonpeace +6, Roxolan +6, adfnamor +6, Darker7 +7, zenith45 +8

For Science!

Base +7

Dammit, Director, get in there and fuck, will ya?

Base +16, apagi -6, Darker7 +7

Hoo boy, poor grammar. And even on the TLer's first page...
2: "Sorry I was to lazy"... should be "too"
3: Her name is "Haida", 拝 is "hai", and there's even furigana right next to her name to make it clear.
4: 解明 is a noun, and when used with "する", is about understanding, clarifying, explaining... Yes, one definition is "unraveling", but that's as in working through a problem.
4: "Aida-chan is a ghost member !"... Ok, again, wrong name, we're just gonna ignore that moving ahead. But she's a "ghost member"? What's that? A ghost penis? 幽霊部員 is someone from a school club who doesn't go to the club activities. That isn't clear at all from your word choice, and makes no grammatical sense. Plus, there shouldn't be a space between "member" and the exclamation point.
4: "Onee-chan... That's my taste..." I mean, it's technically right, but really badly phrased. This is one instance where I, who normally advocates for keeping titles, would recommend translating onee-chan. "Big sisters... are my type (of girl)..." gets the message across better.
5: "Why did I grown a Dick?" No idea why you capitalized dick. Should be "Why did I grow a dick?" or "Why have I grown a dick?"
5: "More important, why am I restrained ? Director !?!" Again, stop with the spaces between words and punctuation. Also, it's "more importantly", and 部長 here would be referring to the club president, not a director, so should be something like "Prez!?"
6: "I couldn't even masturbate, let alone having sex with girls..."... "I couldn't even masturbate, let alone have sex with girls..."
6: "Even though I hadn't herad it before, it suddenly started talking!" Needs to be "heard".
6: "wich toy" should be "which toy"
Pages 7 and 8 are swapped. Don't know how that happened.
8 (0009): "If you let me ejaculate to my heart's content, I don't have any regrets..." should be "I won't have any regrets"
9: "I got a woman to peel of the skin!" should be "peel back". You typo'd "peel off", but even then, that sounds wrong for foreskin.
9: "Come on my invention" She's not saying to ejaculate on the invention. Don't really even know what you're aiming for here.

This should be more than enough for poor grammar tag. I didn't even bother taking the time to closely compare the raw to this translation, but the few things I did check, it seems like MTL was behind. It's also noticeable that on your comment page, you don't have standard English quotation marks. I'm guessing you're ESL then, and would recommend not translating from one language you aren't fluent in to another language you aren't fluent in. Be fluent in at least one of the languages you're translating, and in this case, it seems like you aren't fluent in either.

Base +7, NitroX72 -6, fadefade +14, Bob64 +7, giftz +26, IngmarS +6, 151132 +8, VelvetDream +7, AriesWarlock +15, hardwonpeace +6, Mossberg590 -6, rawrtor +11, Glovelove. +8, and 6 more...

I'm always interested in reading the corrections that people post up. I don't speak Japanese so it's just fascinating seeing the back and forth on how something should be interpreted. And then I'm left wondering, if someone can spend so much time correcting another persons work, why don't they post up a translation themselves rather than complain about someone else? Are they genuine in their intentions to improve someone's skills or just armchair quarterbacks?

Base +6, Keric22 -6, Mossberg590 +6, bloopypoo -7, IncuMA +2, kavinh +6, Hideaki Anno -7, apagi -6, InternetPerson29 -7, Svark001 -7

Why is it so hard for people to typeset properly? Anime Ace, center justify, make font large enough to fill as much vertical space as possible while being neither too small to read nor having words broken up onto multiple lines. Just that alone and people won't give you shit.

Base +9, kavinh -6, apagi +6

@Khan53
Read the definition for "poor grammar" tag. There must be a comment showing at least 10 errors in the comment section for the tag to stick. I honestly didn't even have to go into the Japanese to point out enough mistakes for this to receive the tag, but did for a few to show it's not just some illiterate English person, but truly a case of "doesn't know either language". I spent time from working on a project of my own to babysit this nonsense.

And for the record, it's not just armchair quarterbacking, and I do put up translations myself. I've corrected at least one work for someone before. This is on a long list of "To Fix" works for me. But there's this thing called life that can limit the output of one's hentai translations, and I try prioritizing the stuff I really want to see myself, in the first place. Especially considering I'm doing my work for free, I have no obligation to fix other people's work before doing the stuff I wanna do.

Base +7, gweh +28, Mossberg590 -6, Jones660 +6, bloopypoo +7, IncuMA -2, adfnamor +6, InternetPerson29 +6