This sounds so clunky and awkward. It's obvious neither EN nor JP are languages you master. Either get a proofreader, or practice before making translations.
Just a few examples:
every page: missing punctuation every page: swapping between casual contractions and formal language willy-nilly: "Yes, you are right! I'm here to [...]" Very inconsistent. p.1 What kind of wish would a high school student wish to Santa Claus => What kind of wish would someone in high school make to Santa Claus? p.2 I shoot it inside => shot. Still, "shoot" sounds so bad. p.2 Santa's pussy is my gift from you => "Your pussy is my present, Santa!" Keeping 1:1 structures with JP is a horrible idea most of the time. p.3 I already delivered the gift to Section Chief [...] => she's talking to HER section chief (check the phone.) She didn't deliver any presents to him. p.3 What are you saying!? => What are you talking about!?
Last edited on 09 May 2022, 19:58.
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