It's a great translation. But it's a little overfilled with extra words. Most of it seems to have the same translation as when I tried to translate it myself through multiple translating services and combining them into something that makes sense. Some of the things here seem to have extra context that I don't see in the text though.
page 1 of the main scene: instead of the text in the post i have "I really don't want a raging boner at that meeting. Will you use your mouth?" - literally what it says Page 1 of piss: instead of "stop you" i only found "stop" in terms of being unable to hold it anymore. Page 3 of piss: i could only manage to get it to something like "Can you drink it when i reaally let it go?". The temple urinal thing seems the same. Just less wordy on my side. I translated "goku" as "gulp" instead of "drink". Feels way more natural and definitely is the original meaning. I am not even close to being asian or even Japanese. So there might be some words I couldn't find with deepL and yandex with google.
That's all I tried in my free time for fun two weeks ago. I don't know how you translated this, but your activity seems to show that you might have done it in a similar way as I did, just with adding lots of western filler words that weren't in the speech bubbles in the first place.
Other than that, it perfectly passes the meaning. So it just works.
This doesn't criticize the translation. Just shows the difference in my progress.
Base +1, romanicyte +22, virdian152 +1, Saint6868 +3