Okita doujins will always bring joy to my distorted heart.

Base +21, firedragon89 +14

raw: /s/8b70032a66/2303325-25

Rough translation:
pg 1
1. 俺はこうして 沖田さんとだらだら 過ごす時間好きだよ
your translation: I like spending time with you okita-san
problem: you omit the だらだら from your translation which could be easily replaced with "leisurely". You could also add something like "For me, I like ..." at the beginning of the sentence as Master is responding to Okita's earlier sentence to make it flow better.

2. 沖田さんもマスターと 二人きり...嬉しいです
your translation: I'm alone with Master... I'm so glad.
problem: your translation make it like she said it out of nowhere when she's actually replying to Master's sentence above.
suggested translation: I also like... being with just the two of us.

3. もぉ...マスター さっきもお昼寝し じゃないですか...
your translation: M-master you already took a nap earlier
problem: you mistook "もぉ..." for stuttering when it just a show of exasperation. e.g. sheesh, geez, JFC

pg 2
4. ま、マスター...!
your translation: wait, master...!
problem: The "ま," just stuttering for "Master".

5. 息荒くなって きてるよ沖田さん
your translation: You're breathing hard okita-san
problem: you ignore the "なって きてる" which mean that "it has become" than just "it is".

pg 3
6. 沖田さんが 可愛すぎるから...
your translation: Okita-san you're just so cute
problem: Master is replying to Okita's earlier statement as shown by "から" so you should add something like "(It's because )you're just so cute, okita-san"

pg 4
7. 挿入れるよ...っ
your translation: I'm happy to hear that
suggested translation: I'm putting it in

pg 5
8. 久々のえっちはどう?沖田さん
your translation: It's been a long time since we had sex, Okita-san
problem: Master is asking Okita on how is the sex after a long time not doing it.

9. 頭が...蕩けて しまいそうです...っ
your translation: My mind...! It's going to melt.
problem: you omit "そう" from your translation which mean "it feels like it going to " than just "It's going to"

10. 気を抜いたら... ィってしまい...ひっ?
your translation: If I'm not careful... I'll get...
problem: Your first half works I guess (not careful/ lose focus)? For the second half, Okita said She gonna cum so "I'll get..."
doesn't really make sense.

pg 6
11. いっぱい気持ちよくなってね... 沖田さん
Your translation: You're making me feel so good Okita-san
problem: Master is telling Okita to feel much "better", he is not referring to himself.

pg 8
12. いく
your translation: ahhh
suggested translation: Cumming

Minor errors that do not count to rough translation

1. グリッ
your translation: kh
problem: it's sfx for grind/ rub. You can typeset it as "grind"

2. くぱ
your translation: kpu
problem: it's sfx for spreading. You can typeset it as "Spread"

3. You kept using "Masuta" in your translation which is quite awkward for me. Just translate it as "Master" or maybe "Mastaa" is fine.

4. A lot of times you translated "ふ" as "Ah" when it should be "fuu / fhh" etc.

5. Last page sfx ビュルルル
your translation: AIERUUU
problem: It's SFX for busting a nut. You can typeset it as "SPLURTTT" or something.

Last edited on 30 August 2022, 11:17.

Base +3, jindoko90 +6, Kacywang +6, BetaCodeX +10, Ahryman +6, Gikdin -6, firedragon89 +14, Megaton +45, froggie1234 +6, andystevens1997 +9, RefinedFapper +6

Is there anything in this world more pure than the mood ahoge?

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Page 6: OKITA-SAN DAI OSHIRI!

Base +16, kurzwaltz messer +7, firedragon89 +14

Thank you very much, @meganekov3
tagging for rough tl

Base +15, firedragon89 +14

This was hot and adorable. I'd love to take a dip in some hot springs with my gf.

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Fixed translation: /g/2461928/d976bc56ec/

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