p.2 leaning too much to sensei > on
p.4 suck me > ok, this is technically "fine", but "suck me off" would be better and actually refer to a blowjob
p.5 a lot difficult > a lot more
p.10 i'll just pleasure saori-chan much better > did you mean "much more"?
p.15 how about try inserting > how about you try to put it in by yourself? (or "try putting it in")
p.16 it's my first time to do this > doing this

Base +17, orasmase +8, Jouven +8, White Joker +27, as102 +12