Second chapter of the Kanojo no Oshigoto series. Feedbacks are always welcome.

First chapter : /g/2387739/580fe7d05c/

Chapters RAW
Kanojo no Oshigoto :
1 : /g/2247941/abbaf9af5b/
2 : /g/2246760/8e25f6ca19/
3 : /g/2261240/2d637852a0/

So she sells her body in order to remove the evil spirits from her clients' bodies?

Base +8, plusarkos +6, xburner337 +6, fatboy213 +6

Since you're planning to do the whole series you might as well just release them together as one coherent thing like I've done here: /g/2325494/3c5cf1f1d8/
It's a lot easier to read it like that rather than part by part.

As for feedback, try not to do what you are on page 2 where it says "goood! so good!" in having the text overlap both text bubbles.
It just sticks out like a sore thumb to me and disrupts the flow of the text / page.
Another example is page 4 where you just stuck もう絶対できちゃってるよこれぇ!! together as "with this you're sure to get pregnant!!". As the translator and typesetter you have the benefit of writing and translating in a way that allows you to fill up both bubbles in a coherent manner so you should really strive to do that when possible.

Also, from what I can tell, you aren't paying attention to the rotation of text at all which is just not good to do because you lose a lot of the dynamics and clarity of who's saying what.
Using page 4 again as an example, you can see that most of the raw text is actually rotated in some way including the SFX. But in your translation, none of the text is rotated.
The overall impression I'm left with after going through all of the pages is that it's really inconsistent in terms of typesetting. Sometimes you have your text fairly centered and sometimes it's way off, all of this happening on the same page btw.

On top of all that, you also need to pay attention to the font size. Look closely at the raws, you can tell that there are slight changes in font size from text bubble to text bubble. This greatly helps the reader know the natural flow of the dialogue as you naturally get drawn to the bigger text first. Even if it's a difference of 2 from size 16 to 14 it's noticeable and helps a lot.

I don't really have many issues with your translations but a few small issues to fix.

page 6:
these > those
typo - Exactly
"He may be my boyfriend but he behaved just like a stalker" > misinterpreted, If he wasn't my boyfriend he'd be a stalker of mine

page 7:
It's a specificity of our lineage... > I'm talking about our family

Page 9:
You'll understand soon > It's too early for you to know~ bit of a nitpick from me but she doesn't imply telling him and there is a playful tone with the なぁ at the end.

That's all from me I think, keep up the good work

Base +3, Bubblejum +6, Gandu89 +11, wootwoot123 +6, EricWolfan214 +11, froggie1234 +6, Megaton +45, TCJJ +9, Arsel +6

@Kyuume

Thanks a lot for taking once again the time to give me a feedback, and such a detailed one at that !
Since the next part is the last of this series, I'll follow your advice and release it along the 2 previous ones, as it is indeed easier and more pleasant to read that way.

I will try to take your feedback regarding typesetting into account for the next one and adjust the flawed parts of the first two chapters for the full version.
I must admit that rotating the text didn't even enter my mind, to the extent that the one and only time I payed attention to it was on the second "ピンポーン" on page 8.
And same for the font size, I need to be more careful with such details that carry more importance than what I tend to see in them.

Thanks also for the translation feedback.
Sometimes I try to stray a bit away from the original sentence when the translation seems too litteral and stiff but that may end up in something wrong, as it did on page 6 where I originally translated it with the same meaning as your translation, but for some I reason I felt it looked too stiff and ended up going for something else instead.
Honestly at this point this is the main drawback I get from translating from Japanese to English, as I am sorely lacking in varied, natural sounding vocabulary.

Anyways, I'm really grateful for you taking the time to go over my translation and typesetting and giving me such helpful feedback !

Base +6, Gandu89 +11, xburner337 +6, driven +13, JBHUTT +6, EricWolfan214 +11, froggie1234 +6, Megaton +45, OMJay +6, Arsel +6

@Scarron

As you said, things looking stiff or too literal is just an inevitable part of the process when you are just staring at it for too long. That's a large part as to why I've learned to just move on but come back to them later when everything else is more fleshed out. The other thing I've learned to do is to just break it down so that you are only focusing on one thing at a time. Whether that be translation, dialogue refinement, typesetting, or the SFX. I find that this way I can keep the quality of everything as I only move on when that part of the work is done. That being said, I still usually only work on 10 page batches at a time since I find that it's the sweet spot for me.

As for my final checks, I first sit down and review / read the whole thing start to finish. And I mean really read through the whole thing word for word as if I'm reading it for the first time.
After that it's all the boring stuff of changing dialogue if it needs changing, reading again, and only moving to the final typesetting stage when the text is all finalised. Overall, a very tedious process but a necessary evil imo.

For your vocabulary problem, I recommend you to just try have fun and switch it up. It gets really repetitive seeing the same words over and over as I'm sure you know.
This applies especially to stuff like それに, いっぱい, だめ, はい where there's multiple ways to translate or add flavour to them without just defaulting to the same word every time.

Base +3, Clying Funt +9, OMJay +6

@Kyuume

Really interesting and helpful to read about the way you process when working on a translation ! I'll try adding more intermediate steps to try and ensure a better quality at the end of the process.

As for vocabulary, I'll definitely try to expand the field of possibilities, especially for words such as the one you quoted that allow for a bit more flexibility regarding the way of translating them.

Base +6, Clying Funt +9