First Chapter of the Futari no Oshigoto series.
I'll update this gallery part by part.
The translation is already done but I'm slow at typesetting lol.
Feedback is always welcome.

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Twitter : https://twitter.com/mutyumutyudenbu

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Fanbox : https://niginigirabbit.fanbox.cc/

Full ongoing series RAW : /g/2398666/e564f53d9e/

Cuando en español we. Está bueno el Doujin

Base +9, Fighnjaci -13, Natsam -15, xxx23391 +5, Evra -6, Coledas Ukgent -3, CxHxA -6, RefinedFapper -6

Big improvements on the positioning + shaping of your text on this one. ("at you" could be moved to the next to "now" on page 3 though)
Although some of your text is far too close to the edge of the bubble, particularly the bigger texts.
That to me tells me that you still aren't sizing all of your text properly which I can see is the case on page 11, the text in the two smaller bubbles in the bottom right panel should've been
much smaller than the big one.

Additionally, one technical thing you should fix is your leading space between lines. Your text is too far apart which creates a lot of negative space in a bubble.
If you're using photoshop its in the "paragraph" tab under "Justification" > auto leading > set to 100%

Some errors I spotted,
page 7:
A guy like him, I'll + What was it next?
こんなやつ さっさと... なんだって? She's saying that she wants him to hurry up and finish / get "exorcised" and his response being a "what's that?" in a sort of condescending way

page 9:
"I'll make a reservation again so until enjoy to the fullest your boyfriend's limp dick haha" > sounds like you forgot to switch the text around so that it abides by English grammar lol

Overall, your translation comes off as a bit too literal and trying too hard to phrase it in a way where you keep the same words used in the raw.
The result of which is that you kinda get obtuse lines like page 8: "You my be saying it's too much but the pleasure is written all over your face."
I would've probably worded it more like "You might be saying it's too much for you but your face tells me otherwise!"
or
"Stop protesting and become my girl!"
which could alternatively be "Just shut up and become mine!" / "Quit/Stop whining and become mine (already)!"
Him saying "protesting" seems out of character for a guy that's borderline raping her on top of sounding too formal / out of place.
or
Page 10:
"Fuck... She wasn't letting out such a voice... when she did it with me..."
>"Fuck... She never sounded like that when she did it with me..." / "Fuck... When she does it with me she doesn't / never moan(s) like that..."

You should try pick out the main "message" of each line and try to convey that message back to the reader. That's what matters the most.
Now do that while writing in a way that's concise and natural so there's less room for confusion for whoever's reading.
The types of words you use matters as well so definitely keep that in mind.

I will add that with experience in writing, your shaping should also get better alongside it as you will more or less know what the shape will look like if you use a specific word / phrase.
An example of which is that a longer word may need a new line completely free or just a little space left in the previous line so that you can hyphenate.
one of my "cheats" is using something like "as well" to fill in gaps in the middle or end since it can be easily split or kept together to fill space.

Ended up writing more than I wanted to again woops.
Hope this helps you though.

Base +3, 64DOOD +6, Fuckhat +6, Evra +6, nightmare_101 +7, Coledas Ukgent +3, Nyabastet +6, RefinedFapper +6, VGH15 +1, BupB0i +5, GearZeroSky +21, AlucardHellgate +8

@Kyuume

Thank you once again for taking the time to write your detailed feedback, it helps me improve, slowly but surely !
This time I've tried to identify the differences in text sizes but sometimes I'm afraid that it'll end up too small to read comfortably so I tend to stick to bigger sizes.

Thanks for the tip about the space between lines, I've set it up as you stated so it should be better from now on.

About these 2 lines :

こんなやつ さっさと... なんだって? I must say I interpretated it as the guy repeating what Mitsuba told to her bf earlier in order to mock her, kind of like "what were you saying again?". To be honest I didn't even consider the possibility of こんなやつ さっさと... being uttered by Mitsuba. It leads me to wonder, I know she's defiant towards him and they're not in good terms, but doesn't こんなやつ sound too impersonal considering she's right in front of him ? In this context, wouldn't she rather use something like あんたみたいなやつ ? Anyway, that's a really useful input here, it shows me I have to take a step back and consider options that don't come to my mind instantly.

Regarding the rest, I can only agree with your comment, and I'm aware I'm going too much for the word for word approach, and I'll try aiming for something more natural sounding, but I always have a bit of lingering anxiety about possibly stripping a line from the meaning it is initially supposed to convey.
Anyway, I'll try using your examples and advices as a reference and see if I can get rid a bit of that too litteral feel my translations have.

All in all I greatly appreciate your comments ! I'm trying to take your input into consideration, it may not always end up in clear improvements right away but I'm sure it will be useful in the long run.

Base +6, RefinedFapper +6, GearZeroSky +21

@Scarron

Regarding your comment about "あんたみたいなやつ ?" that's technically "correct" but that's the part about Japanese being contextual where it allows for way fewer words to be used. Since we already have context for how the guy acts through both visual and written means using こんな gets straight to the point in conveying the message that she doesn't like his "type". Stuff like this can be both a blessing and a curse as it allows for more freedom in writing but at the same time it's up to you to interpret the message.
Also, because あんた by nature, is quite "rude" of a word, I find that あんた is mostly used by the tsundere / mesugaki types of characters where they constantly talk down whoever it is they're talking to.

The text size issue is probably something that I've naturally "picked up" because I'm quite a detail oriented person.
A way that I can think of breaking it down for you is to just step back and look at the raws and read it like you would normally. What's the first element that your eye is drawn to besides the art?
You should notice that your eye is more drawn to certain bubbles or text first because either the text is bigger or the text bubble is bigger. And in some cases it's a combination of both.
In doing that you should begin to notice that there's a natural ebb and flow to all the text on the page and that you subconsciously understand the natural order of which text comes first,
all without actually reading the text.

So when you compare your page next to the raw you should try to recreate that feeling.

Base +3, GearZeroSky +21

Damn, no updates for a year?

Base +6, georgenorthern +6, qg123654789 +6

The story's already done... can we please get a translation?

Base +8, qg123654789 +6