Some of the text is not where it's supposed to be when it's double bubbles. Hell, the text isn't even the original.. Horrible type-setting and alot of overused hearts. Should've left the originals in place instead of adding some yourself because they weren't intrusive. Some would feel like it's added excessively and unnecessarily. On top of that, you slimmed the pages and reduced the quality, which makes them blurry. Next time, look for someone to quality check your work because this ain't it, chief.

Base +16, coleccionista903 +6, Th3 Sl0th +6, hobohobo +33, Darknessend +6, icesonic +8, Nightcore Hentai +6, BlueSmoke +9, dankestdungeon +24, A.Kasuga +6, Ass Spanker +27, elefat224 +7, scam_artist +3, and 8 more...

Wait, I'm so incredibly confused. What raws did you use? This is missing A LOT of SFX, and a fuckton of other text/content.

A lot of the text doesn't line up with /g/2421471/250ac9ed53/ especially floating text (which for some reason isn't floating in your own version, but in text bubbles you created.)

Base +22, Th3 Sl0th +6, hobohobo +33, Darknessend +6, BlueSmoke +9, dankestdungeon +24, Gdflame -6, A.Kasuga +6, Ass Spanker +27, whatsathrowaway +6, elefat224 +7, tostada -6, Megaton +45, and 3 more...

005
OG: ふふ、期待してくれた分、張り切らせてもらおう♥
TL: "Fufu...as expected theres[sic] so much"
ED: the gist is she's going to push him to the limit to meet expectations

OG: さあ、今日もお前だけの爆乳闇落ち騎士王様が搾り取ってやる♥
TL: "Today I'll use my huge tits to milk you dry"
ED: missing detail, "again"

006
OG: 尿道もほぐさないとな
TL: N/A
ED: untranslated

OG: 舌先でほじってやる
TL: "I'll have you cum with the tip of my tongue"
ED: she's just describing her action (related to prev untranslated line)

OG: こうして搾ってやらなければ、このメス殺しデカちんぽが勿体ない
TL: "Your cock is so big" / "I'll have to squeeze your dick like this"
ED: she's saying it would be a waste if she didn't wring out his huge slut slayer of a cock

OG: ほかほかお口まんこでよしよしされて気持ちいいな♥おちんちんたくさん蕩けさせてやるぞ♥♥
TL: "My mouth pussy feels so good right now"
ED: 2nd half of the line is missing. also missing detail about her mouth ("hot/warm")

007
OG: もう最高だ
TL: N/A
ED: untranslated

OG: マスターの精液ならいくらでも飲めるぞ♥もっと寄越せ♥♥
TL: "If it's master's semen I'll drink it to the last drop"
ED: missing second part of the line

OG: ふふふ…♥こんなに射精しても元気にビクビクして…♥まだまだ搾れそうだ♥
TL: "Fufufu♥There's so much thick semen it feels I'm still squeezing it out♥"
ED: missing middle part of the line describing his cock even after cumming

OG: どうした、まだ終わらないぞ♥
TL: "Your dick is still so hard"
ED: she's saying she's not done yet

I've lost count of the number of translators asking for commissions while misspelling the word

Base +30, Th3 Sl0th +6, Darknessend +6, BlueSmoke +9, Fr33sh00t +6, dankestdungeon +24, A.Kasuga +6, Ass Spanker +27, elefat224 +7, BustahWoluf +17, blulaz -7, Megaton +45, glitcher998 +9, and 2 more...

I will never understand how someone can mess up a translation/typesetting so much. It's frustrating.

Base +6, Darknessend +6, heh...narto +6, BlueSmoke +9, Silver_Kirin +6, DOIHI3 +6, helel +11, blulaz -7, tenrou29 -9, Jdoe10 +5

@Zaiup

just out of curiosity, is there any bible for doing these typesetting correctly? I've been interested on it, doing my best with my knowledge, but I would love to know if there's any format to follow, or tips about how to make things look better.

Base +7, tenrou29 +9, Jdoe10 +5

@hijikato

Here's general editing resources. Should give you a good enough basis.

General: https://quicksandscans.wordpress.com/resources/
Typesetting: https://web.archive.org/web/20190406011154/https://fallensyndicate.wordpress.com/typesetting-tutorial/
Redrawing: https://web.archive.org/web/20150421210157/http://www.redhawkscans.com/showthread.php?7057-Rain-s-Redraw-Tutorials

Base +22, BlueSmoke +9, Ass Spanker +27, whatsathrowaway +6, Jdoe10 +5, tenrou29 +9

The sheer audacity and ignorance of going from "This was my first time translating" to "If anyone wants to commision me to do a translation" is beyond incredible.
And again, I don't get this mindset of needing to go fast when all it results in is something like this where it's a mess of poor typesetting, no redrawing, dubious translation accuracy + stilted lines.

Btw, there isn't many translations of them because they are licensed by Irodori and hence everything not parody related will get DMCA'd.

Base +5, A.Kasuga +6, Ass Spanker +27, Holovox +9, whatsathrowaway +6, fidazzle +8, elefat224 +7, gotdajuice +6, The14thNoah +12, wootwoot123 +6, Jdoe10 +5, tenrou29 -9, daretofight +12, and 1 more...

@cutegyaru

Thank you very much for this. I was looking for something like this for very long.

Base +7, tenrou29 +9

"no pemetration" ;-;

Base +6, UnseenTrash +6, wootwoot123 +6, tenrou29 -9