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please add periods to your dialogue in the future. please also find a native English proofreader for your dialogue to help you make it read more naturally.

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Well, at least it's uncensored, though

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pretty good art1

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Thanks, will try to get a native english speaker to proofreader.

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I am a native speaker and I thought it seemed fine. Looking back I guess my brain was automatically filling in the words to make the sentences read better. That's just what happens when I read enough non-native English I guess, unless I'm paying attention.

Although people do usually use punctuation like periods in English, that isn't always the case in comics. It is less common these days to leave punctuation out though.

I've done proofing for people in scanlation groups before, and am a native english speaker. If you want to message me on the forums here, I'd be happy to try to help, at least for now.

Thank you for sharing!

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@dragontamer8740

wrong

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@Mr_Person
You damn *disgrace of translators* just go with your *werewolf scanner* like a *sponge of $4.99* :(

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Yeah, it still has quite an few errors in it.

I mean, it makes sense,but it's still broken English

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Things that I noticed and could use some work on:
・P.2: "And fast growth spurt in the most unexpected places." > "And a fast growth..."
・P.2: "We gladly give some tips for a better experience." > "We'll gladly give some tips for a better experience"
・P.3: "How do you know I haven't said anything." ≠ "How do you know?! I haven't said anything!"
Placement of punctuation here matters as it changes the meaning of the sentence.
・P.3: "I'm excited and embarassed, he gave me some helpful tips on how to better use a onahole" > "I'm excited and embarrassed. He gave me some helpful tips on how to use an onahole better."
Embarrassed is spelled with two "r"s. Also replace "a" for "an" because the first sound of the letter following "a" starts with a vowel (a,e,i,o,u, and sometimes y).

The phrase "how to better use..." isn't wrong, but it does sound unnatural. Most of times "better" usually follows the verb.
Examples: "I can cook better now." "He knows better than that."

・P.3: "But to pop a boner like that of times" > But to pop a boner like that of all times"
・P.4: '"Didn't notice at that time but it was more than just "a bit"' > '"I didn't notice it at that time, but it was more than just "a bit".'
・P.4: "...without a single pure thought" > "...without a single, pure thought"
If two adjectives are together, and if and only if they can be switched around and the sentence still retains it meaning, then you put a comma in-between the two adjectives.
・P.5: "Clothes are in the way" > "My clothes are in the way."
・P.6: For "Clitoris Penis Syndrome" I'd recommend putting it in bold and putting a colon after it to make it easier to read. Example: "Clitoris Penis Syndrome:"
・P.6: "A rare disease afecting adult females only, bringing peculiar changes to one's clitoris and libido" > A rare disease only affecting adult females, and brings peculiar changes to one's clitoris and libido."
・P.6: "A overwhelming..." > "An overwhelming"
・P.6: "A mighty virgin breeding ready girlcock spurts out at full-force" > "A mighty, virgin, and breeding-ready girlcock spurts out at full force."
Using hyphens are far more exhausting to explain, so just take my changes at face value.
・P.8: "I'm becoming a pervert putting this much effort just to try dick masturbation" > "I'm becoming a pervert for putting this much effort in just to try dick masturbation."

@dragontamer8740
Can relate, but in my case I'll still pick up on some mistakes if I speed read.
"Although people do usually use punctuation like periods in English, that isn't always the case in comics. It is less common these days to leave punctuation out though."
If you're specifically referring to amateur/fan translations then I'd agree, but for comics/manga as a whole no. Even if we went back a decade, official publications of comics and manga use punctuation.
The only ones not using punctuation were and still are amateur/fan translations.

Edit: @Ilumeria Yeah feel free to use these; they were made with the intent that you would see them eventually, and as a way to help you improve. Good luck!

Last edited on 12 March 2023, 07:40.

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@Vanilla Cream
Do you mind if I use these?
I feel particularly bad about spelling mistakes as those are easily avoidable. Anyway, I'm really thankful.
I'll reupload it later when I got more stuff.

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Illmeria
thanks nice job i hope this story continues..this just makes us want more

a word of advice,. there are some folks here who love to jump on translators and nit pick and dig into things, far beyond what is needed, useful or kind.

Frankly your translation flowed fine. We are from Japan and like what you did just fine. and commas are NOT always needed, you can string as many predicates as you want and still be within proper Oxford english. so just do what you feel is ok, some of the advice is decent, we just are very tired of the preachers and the naysayers swarming around the forum with clearly not enough to do.

thanks again well done.

it would be good to put the author as one of the tags.

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@Ilumeria Hi, Ive sent you a message on Twitter. Hope you can spare the time

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lol the FF14 debuff icon xD

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this is actually pretty good, nice job 👍😉

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Ooh so their adventures will go on?

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