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Source: https://www.melonbooks.co.jp/detail/detail.php?product_id=534097

Raw: /g/1506436/b5b72720cf/

Base +45

extremely bold of you to be asking money for this

Base +19, crimsonraes +17, AJubbz +5, neo_skyline +24, Boomer30569 +12, CharlotteFrancia +6, Sylphvine +6, exzk678 +6, flash11 +24, Th3 Sl0th +6, Davyroo +6, dragonite21 +7, bigscuba +8, and 14 more...

I agree with Mr_Person. If you're gonna beg for money, the standards that apply to you are going to be that much higher, and this is pretty low quality.

1. Learn to level your pages. Also learn to work in greyscale instead of RGB for black and white.
3. Your bubbles are full of dust (left-over Japanese text). Learn to clean.
2. Learn English.

rough grammar

p.2 I shouldn't have never made
p.2 I, who are
p.2 to make such request
p.3 Have you properly "teeth-brushing", etcc
p.3 Lets
p.6 So let me show how it's done > you
p.9 carefully suck on it > sucking (to match rest of sentence tense)
p.10 Spence milk lines > what lmao correct term is tail of Spence
p.10 Touch it > them
p.10 the most erogenous zone > plural

etc.

EDIT:

You still haven't leveled. Leveling is like... the most basic thing a scanlator does when cleaning. It's step 0. Here's guides for you, because apparently Googling is secret tech:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PANrCwHy630
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/902314557077336064/997654450149789757/optimize_image.jpg

Last edited on 21 August 2023, 08:01.

Base +24, slapforce +6, mgran52 +9, exzk678 +6, Th3 Sl0th +6, Davyroo +6, dragonite21 +7, Boomer30569 +12, pond39267 +6, Aside +6, kanoon48 +9, Mastemo +8, as102 +13, and 14 more...

I believe it to be premature to ask for commissions at this stage. You would do well to find a native English speaker to QC your script, and perhaps someone to assist in cleaning the raws before typesetting is done.

Rough Grammar Tag

Error: I shouldn't have never made that promise -> I shouldn't have ever made that promise
Justification: "shouldn't have never" is a double negative, which turns the overall meaning positive.

Error: On 5 October's World Teacher's Day, I, who are full of wisdom, shall teach you anything you wanna know! -> October 5th is World Teacher's Day! I, a bastion of wisdom, shall teach you anything you wanna know!
Justification: In the raw the part about World Teacher's Day is its own separate thought, not a part of a run-on sentence. "I who are full of wisdom" is also incorrect grammatically. If you wanted to keep it written that way, the more correct way would be "I, a person full of wisdom."

Error: I didn't expect him to make such request -> I didn't expect him to make such a request!
Justification: "A" must be used for a singular, whereas a plural would drop it ("Such requests!").

Error: in a hands-on approach -> with a hands-on approach
Error: Have you properly 'teeth-brushing', 'nails-trimming', and 'bathe'...? -> Have you properly 'brushed teeth', 'trimmed nails', and 'bathed'?
Justification: For the first, 'with' is correct for this type of sentence. "In" only works for something like "In a fancy way." For the second, while I understand that in the raw these were concepts presented in quotes, you cannot mix past-tense (have you) and present-progressive.

Error: This is a mutually satisfying, love-making sex practice, not a way to conceive or please only one partner...
Correction: This is a lesson about mutually-satisfying lovemaking, not conception nor pleasing only one partner.
Error: So please don't get me wrong about this. -> So please don't get the wrong idea.
Justification: On the first one, the sentence was too clunky as "sex practice" the way OP wrote it makes it sound like a workplace rather than what was intended, which was a lesson. On the second, "Please don't get me wrong about this" is awkward in English and is better written as "Please don't get the wrong idea."

Error: Lets have sex! -> Let's have sex!
Justification: This is a contraction of "let us," so the apostrophe is required.

Error: Try to sync your breath timing and your tongue movement with hers so she feels, "I think I'm compatible with this man!"...
Correction: Try to sync your breathing and tongue movements with hers so she thinks, "I'm compatible with this man!"
Justification: In English, 'feels' wouldn't be followed by a quote. Further, while punctuation inside the quotation marks is correct, following a quotation mark with ellipses is not.

Error: you familiars' -> a familiar's
Justification: "Familiar" is her fan name; "a familiar's" can refer to plural (nonspecific), whereas "you familiars'" is awkward.

Error: First, it's foreplay, so let me show how it's done -> First is foreplay; let me show you how it's done.
Justification: There should not be a comma after first (separating "it's foreplay" by commas means the line after the second comma should be able to stand on its own, which this one cannot). Also there should be a 'you' in "show you how it's done."

Error: 'Hand-job' is commonly used to pleasure a male genitalia -> The 'handjob' is commonly used to pleasure the male genitalia...
Justification: Genitalia is a plural noun, not a singular. You must use 'the' here, not 'a'.

Error: ...cum for the 1st time... -> ...cum for the first time...
Justification: I won't count this against the total, but you used 'first' earlier on the same page. Don't mix 'first' and '1st'.

Error: a fellatio -> fellatio
Justification: Fellatio is an act; you do not precede it with "a."

Error: The act of kissing the male's genitals, carefully suck on it and stroking it with your hands, while observing his reactions...
Correction: The act of kissing the male's genitals, carefully sucking on it and stroking it with your hands while observing his reactions...
Justification: If the sentence is using present-progressive tense, you must keep that tense throughout. Also there should be no comma between 'hands' and 'while'.

Error: let's learn how to touch a female genitalia -> let's learn how to touch the female genitalia
Justification: Genitalia is a plural noun.

There are quite a few more but that should satisfy the tag requirement.

EDIT: lmao sniped by cutegyaru; ah well, mine is more comprehensive anyway

Base +19, slapforce +6, Th3 Sl0th +6, pond39267 +6, Aside +6, timmehguy +6, kanoon48 +9, Mastemo +8, BrianTT +6, OnceForAll +42, neo_skyline +24, e0in +8, musoukaXIV +10, and 5 more...

Why the fuck there is so much text on a freaking doujin? Go write a book if you want lore, we just want to fap ffs

Base +7, Davyroo -6, Natsam -15, zufield -7, pond39267 -6, kanoon48 -9, Mastemo -8, Alaephant -8, Th3 Sl0th -6, Draw99Gray -18, neo_skyline -24, diehctaz -6, musoukaXIV -10, and 11 more...

Other Language or Version
Japanese
Chinese
English translated by PGTranslations, You are here!

Base +45, OnceForAll +42, TCJJ +9

Unfortunately it looks like all you did was correct the errors that were explicitly laid out to you, rather than taking these errors as a sign that you require assistance and should proofread the entire book. The errors we listed were not the only errors, they were simply an indicator of what is inherently wrong with your production. Again, I will suggest that you find someone who is a native English speaker to QC your script.

As a result of you deciding not to actually take my explanations to heart, I will not waste my time offering you lessons on how proper English grammatical structures work.

Rough Grammar Tag (Updated for 2649836)
p10 have the most erogenous zone
p11 Cunnilingus -> not a proper noun
p13 That's mortal for you!
p14 You were a virgin, didn't you?
p15 pose-,mmh!
p15 free-,ah!
p15 lit's hard
p17 W-, we're out of condom,
p18 We can't just go and add more familiar
p19 What's with that crazy fuck at the end!? -> she is referring to an act not a person
p19 I'm a girl of huge caliber

Base +19, BrianTT +6, Th3 Sl0th +6, neo_skyline +24, musoukaXIV +10, Olivki +6, IllHaveaNickname +11, Hasenpfoti +8, orasmase +8, funk_u_up +13, Megaton +45, TCJJ +9

Why are there so many people who do not know English, or probably Japanese either, trying to translate like this. Leave the doujins alone man.

Base +6, meatyllamastick +6, jaredh72 +7, funk_u_up +13, Xadt0490 +7, TCJJ +9