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自己嫌悪しながらも同じ事を繰り返してしまう主人公
何も成長してないように思えたが変化は確実に起きていた

モノクロ漫画58ページ

[Synopsis]

The protagonist repeats the same behavior despite his self-loathing.
It seems like he hasn't grown at all but changes have definitely occurred...

Part 1 (Raw): /g/2946816/e598c8776b/

Base +22

Here's the translation in case anyone wants to do the lettering.

P2

AS I THOUGHT, IT'S BETTER TO BUY MORE, ISN'T IT?

EVEN THOUGH IT'S JUST THE TWO OF US...

P3

I USUALLY STOCK UP QUITE A BIT... WELL... IT'S OKAY...

RECENTLY...

I CAN'T LOOK HER IN THE FACE...

FOR SOME REASON, MY CHEST FEELS TIGHT WHEN I LOOK AT HER FACE, AND I CAN'T KEEP MY COOL.

AT FIRST I WAS THINKING, THIS IS PROBABLY DUE TO THE GUILT I FEEL TOWARDS HER...

P4

BUT... THAT WASN'T IT...

THAT'S IT!

AH! IS IT TODAY?

THIS FEELING IS THE SAME AS BEFORE. GUILT MIXED WITH SEXUAL EXCITEMENT. BUT IT'S DIFFERENT... MORE...

KOU-CHAN!

THE FIREWORKS SHOW IS TODAY!

IT'S A PURE AND STRONG FEELING THAT COMES FROM DEEP WITHIN. A STRONG FEELING OF ATTRACTION FOR ONE PERSON...

P5

ISN'T IT AMAZING HERE?

WE GET TO SEE IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!

BUT... THERE'S NO POINT IN HAVING THESE FEELINGS NOW.

IF I FOLLOW MY DESIRES, I'LL PUT MY HANDS ON HER BODY AGAIN.

BUT WHAT COULD I SAY? EVEN IF I EXPRESS THIS FEELING, THERE IS NO WAY TO PERSUADE HER.

IT'S TOO LATE... I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TELL HER HOW IT FEEL...

P6

RINA-CHAN...

I WONDER WHAT SHE LIKE'S...

WHAT DOES SHE THINK OF ME?

UWA! SO BIG...

IF SHE HAS ROMANTIC FEELINGS AND SUCH... BUT THERE'S NO WAY... IF SO...

OH

IN HER HEART, HOW DOES SHE FEEL ABOUT ME...

I WAS SURPRISED!

TO HER, MY EXISTENCE IS...

P7

SUMMER WILL BE OVER SOON...

TIME PASSED IN A FLASH...

FOR MORE THAN TWO MONTHS NOTHING BIG HAS HAPPENED. OUR ORDINARY DAYS CONTINUE.

TIME PASSES QUICKLY WHEN THERE IS NOTHING NEW TO DO.

LIVE ANY LIFESTYLE FOR OVER HALF A YEAR AND YOU'LL HAVE EXPERIENCED MOST THINGS.

SLOWLY, AS I'VE GROWN INTO THIS LIFE, I'VE BECOME LESS ANXIOUS AND UPSET. MAYBE I JUST GOT USED TO IT.

P8

BUT...

THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME IN LIFE IS WHEN WE FALL INTO A ROUTINE AND GET COMFORTABLE...

AH

HOLD UP FOR A SECOND.

KOU-CHAN...

DID WE BUY BATTERIES?

BATTERIES...
WELL...
WE BOUGHT THEM... MAYBE...

AH, WHY DON'T I REMEMBER...

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT DINNER...

P9

WELL...

THAT'S RIGHT

IF I LOOK AT THE RECEIPT...

I'M SURE... I PUT IT WITH THE CHANGE...

AH! THERE IT IS.

[SOUND OF MONEY FALLING]
CLINK
CLINK

AH!

AH! GEEZ!

I'M SO CLUMSY...

P10

SHHH

THANK YOU!

I WAS CAUGHT COMPLETELY OFF GUARD.

A SUDDEN SHOCK IN AN ORDINARY EVERYDAY LIFE. IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE FELT THIS FEELING...

WHY AM I SO FLUSTERED?

I JUST SAW INSIDE HER SKIRT A LITTLE. THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL AT ALL. JUST THINK OF SOMETHING... SOMETHING ELSE.

P11

HOME, AT LAST.

AFTER ALL, I COULDN'T ERASE THAT SCENE FROM MY MIND...

I'M TAKING OFF MY SKIRT NOW...

IF I JUST LOOK BACK A LITTLE, I CAN SEE...

P12

...NO. WHAT AM I THINKING?

SHE ALWAYS CHANGES HER CLOTHES AS SOON AS SHE GETS HOME. IT'S HER USUAL THING... I'VE EXPERIENCED IT MANY TIMES...

AS USUAL, I JUST NEED TO GET INTO MY ROOM QUICKLY. I'LL BE JUST FINE... IN MY ROOM...

QUICKLY...

QUICKLY...

INTO MY ROOM...

P13

HUH?

P14

INSIDE HER SKIRT... THIS ASS WAS...

AHHH... AMAZING... THIS FEELING... THE FEEL OF PANTYHOSE...

AH, WHAT A NICE SMELL... WHAT A UNIQUE SMELL...

HER SOFT... BUTT... AWESOME... FEELS SO GOOD...

AH

GEEZ

P15

NO WAY.

AHH... SO SOFT...

SMELLS GOOD...

P16

AHH... SO WARM... AND MUSTY...

P17

BLANK

P18

THIS... IS SHE FEELING IT...? AWESOME... SHE'S MOVING HER BUTT...

I WANT HER TO FEEL IT MORE... MORE INTENSELY... MORE...

HNN

NN

NN

!

P19

AWESOME...

HER BUTT...

P20

IS IT OKAY... GEEZ...

I DOING THINGS LIKE THIS AGAIN...

I SHOULD STOP HERE... BUT... IT'S IMPOSSIBLE...

AH... INSIDE RINA-CHAN... IT'S WARM...

AH

HUU

P21

NN

NN

UHN

NN

NN

IT FEELS SO GOOD... I CAN'T STOP ANYMORE... MORE... MORE...

AHN

AA

AA

P22

RINA'S ASS... IT'S WHITE AND SOFT...

P23

AH... AH... AWESOME... HER ASS IS... BOUNCING...

P24

AA... FEELS SO GOOD...

I DID IT AGAIN...

P25

WHAT A FOOL I AM...

CONGRATULATING MYSELF FOR BECOMING A LITTLE MORE GROWN UP...

IN FACT, I HAVEN'T GROWN AT ALL SINCE I GOT HERE.

AS ALWAYS, DESIRE IS THE PROBLEM. I'M CONTROLLED BY IT, BUT I CAN'T CONTROL IT AT ALL...

NO...

ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT THE CASE. I HAVEN'T LOST MY REASON THE ENTIRE TIME...

I'VE MANAGED TO STAY CALM AND CONTROLLED FOR MONTHS NOW... BUT...

EVEN THOUGH I TRIED TO PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED. I LOST IT AGAIN SO EASILY, AND FOR THE SAKE OF NOTHING BUT THE PLEASURE IN FRONT OF ME...

AFTER THIS... PREPARING DINNER WAS REALLY AWKWARD. STRUGGLING WITH FEELINGS OF DISGUST AND DISDAIN FOR MY BEHAVIOR...

P26

THEN AGAIN, THE DAYS PASSED QUICKLY...

BEFORE I KNEW IT, WINTER BREAK HAD ARRIVED.

SINCE SUMMER VACATION, I'VE BEEN DOING MY HOUSEWORK ALONE AGAIN.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO SHOPPING WITH RINA-CHAN TODAY, BUT...

SHE HAD SOME URGENT WORK COME UP AND IT ALL FELL APART.

SORRY.

THIS PERIOD IS TOO...
I CAN'T HELP IT.

IT'S BEEN COMMON FOR HER WORK TO RUIN OUR DAYS OFF.

I'VE HAD DOUBTS FOR A WHILE... WHY DOES SHE WORK SO HARD?

WE'RE NOT IN FINANCIAL TROUBLE. IT EVEN RUINS OUT HOLIDAY...

P27

EVEN WHEN MONEY DOESN'T MATTER, AN ADULT GOES TO WORK ANYWAY. IS THAT NORMAL?

EVEN AT THIS MOMENT, ALL THE ADULTS IN SOCIETY ARE WORKING...

AND YET I'M RELAXING AT HOME AT THIS TIME ON A WEEKDAY.

LIKE A KID ON WINTER BREAK...

I'M JUST A CHILD ON WINTER BREAK AND SHE'S A WORKING ADULT...

I'M PATHETIC IN A LOT OF WAYS. I GUESS IT CAN'T BE HELPED THOUGH. AFTER ALL, I AM STILL A CHILD...

P28

NEW YEAR'S CAME AROUND IN A FLASH. WINTER BREAK PASSED BY. THER WERE ONLY A FEW DAYS LEFT.

IT'S A LITTLE AFTER 11AM...

WHILE I CLEAN UP AFTER BREAKFAST, RINA-CHAN IS...

SHE LET ME SLEEP AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. AS A RESULT, I WOKE UP LATE.

SHE'S ON THE LATE SHIFT TODAY AND STARTS WORK IN THE AFTERNOON.

P29

IT'S BEEN QUITE A WHILE SINCE WE FINISHED EATING, BUT SHE STILL LOOKS SLEEPY.

WE BOTH STAYED AT OUR PARENTS' HOMES DURING THE NEW YEAR HOLIDAYS. I SPENT A LOT OF TIME THERE, SO I TOOK A LONG REST. SHE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN SOME TOO.

BUT SHE GETS PRETTY BUSY AT THE END OF THE YEAR. SHE'S PROBABLY STILL TIRED BECAUSE OF THAT. MAYBE THERE'S SOME EXHAUSTION LEFT...

P30

BLANK

P31

THAT... MAYBE...

P32

EVEN IF SHE SAYS THERE'S TIME BEFORE THE LATE SHIFT...

IT WOULD BE REALLY DANGEROUS TO GO BACK TO SLEEP NOW.

SHE HAS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE AT 12:30PM...

THIS IS... I THINK I SHOULD WAKE HER UP...

RINA-NEECHAN.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP NOW, THEN...

P33

OH NO... SHE'S ALREADY FAST ASLEEP...

A-ANYWAY... I HAVE TO WAKE HER UP SOMEHOW...

P34

RINA-NEECHAN...

AH...

THIS FEELING...

CLOTHES AND BODY... ARE SO SOFT...

AWESOME... SHE FEELS SO GOOD...

AH...

AH, SHE SMELLS GOOD. THE SCENT OF HER NIGHTWEAR IN THE MORNING...

SHE'S WARM AND SMELLS GOOD, AND SHE FEELS SO GOOD...

DAMN... I HAVE SUCH A STRONG DESIRE... I WANT TO EMBRACE HER RIGHT NOW...

P35

NO... NO... SHE'S TIRED NOW. SHE'S ASLEEP...

SHE HAS TO GO TO WORK NOW, AND THIS IS NOT HAPPENING...

DON'T DO IT... JUST FOR NOW, I SHOULDN'T DO IT...

I HAVE TO HOLD ON... I HAVE TO STOP... NOW...

PATIENCE... PATIENCE... THIS IS... IT'S IMPOSSIBLE...

BECAUSE... IT CAN'T BE HELPED... BECAUSE I'M A CHILD... BECAUSE I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF. IT... CAN'T BE HELPED...

P36

RINA-NEECHAN'S SKIN... THIS SMELL... THIS FEELING... SERIOUSLY... SO FASCINATING...

I WANT TO TOUCH HER MORE... MORE... STRIP OFF HER CLOTHES AND LEAVE HER NAKED... MORE OF HER WHOLE BODY...

P37

WHITE SKIN... SO BEAUTIFUL...

P38

IN THE MORNING... HER BODY IS LIKE THIS. IT HAS THIS SCENT...

P39

BLANK

P40

NN

HNN

GEEZ

NO WAY

NN

P41

BLANK

P42

THIS IS... GEEZ... I CAN'T HELP IT...

P43

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE... I'M JUST A CHILD...

GEEZ... IF IT COMES TO THIS... I CAN'T STOP...

SORRY... RINA-NEECHAN...

P44

ZUZUTSU

AHH... INSIDE RINA-NEECHAN... AWESOME... FEELS SO GOOD...

P45-46

BLANK

P47

AHHH FEELS GOOD... I CAN'T STOP MOVING... MY HIPS... ALREADY... I'M GOONA...

NO! HURRY... QUICKLY PULL IT OUT...

P48

BLANK

P49

WINTER VACATION IS OVER.

I NOTICED IT THIS TIME...

I HAVEN'T BEEN LOSING CONTROL LIKE IN THE BEGINNING...

THIS TIME, IF I REALLY WANTED TO STOP, I COULD HAVE STOPPED... BUT... I CHOSE NOT TO STOP...

INSTEAD I'VE BEEN MAKING EXCUSES LIKE: "IT CAN'T BE HELPED. 'CAUSE I'M STILL A KID."

BUT THE SECOND YOU START PRETENDING TO BE A CHILD, TO INDULGE IN YOUR OWN DESIRES, IT'S OVER...

P50

THE LAST SUNDAY OF JANUARY

FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE HOLIDAYS STARTED, THE TWO OF US GO SHOPPING TOGETHER.

I WISH YOU'D WEAR SOMETHING THICKER.
YOU'RE ALWAYS THAT THOUGH.

AH... OR RATHER...

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER THAN THIS...

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING SOONER.

I WOULD HAVE BOUGHT YOU SOMETHING WARMER!

P51

AH... BUT IF I WEAR A LOT OF LAYERS UNDERNEATH.

I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT...

NO, IT'S BETTER TO WEAR SOMETHING WARMER.

THAT'S RIGHT! WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY, KOU-CHAN?

IT'S BEEN ALMOST A YEAR SINCE YOU CAME HERE.
YOUR BIRTHDAY MUST HAVE ALREADY PASSED, RIGHT?

NO, NOT YET. IT'S FEBRUARY 4TH.

IT'S COMING SOON THOUGH...

EH, IT'S THE 4TH? I'M ON THE 8TH.

WELL THEN, IT'S JUST PERFECT.
I'LL BUY IT FOR YOU AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT

LET'S GO BUY SOMETHING AT THE STORE NOW.

EH, BUT RIGHT NOW...

I HAVE SOME SHOPPING TO DO...

JUST WEAR IT HOME FROM THE STORE.

P52

ONE MORE THING...

I'M IN DEBT TO HER FOR...

I COULDN'T BUY ANYTHING FOR HER IN RETURN...

SO MY NEGATIVE FEELINGS JUST KEEP INCREASING.

AS MY RESPONSIBILITIES GROW, I BECOME UNABLE TO SAY ANYTHING...

EVEN THOUGH WE'RE SO CLOSE... I FEEL LIKE SHE'S GETTING FURTHER AND FURTHER AWAY...

EVEN THOUGH WE'VE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER IN THE SAME HOUSE FOR MONTHS, WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANY CLOSER...

SHOULD WE STILL USE HONORIFICS? I'M NOT SURE. OUR RELATIONSHIP REMAINS...

P53

FEBRUARY 8TH

I BOUGHT A GIFT FOR A WOMAN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.

BUT, THERE IS NO ONE TO GIVE IT TO.

I'LL PROBABLY BE OUT LATE...

GEEZ, YOU DON'T NEED TO WAIT FOR ME. IT'S OKAY.

YES... YES. I GOT IT...

SHE'S JUST SPENDING HER BIRTHDAY WITH HER FRIENDS.

IT’S NORMAL... SO WHAT IS THIS FEELING...?

P54

WHAT'S THE POINT IN GIVING HER SUCH A CHEAP GIFT?

IT'S QUIET...

THE NIGHT BECAME SO QUIET WITHOUT HER AROUND...

I FEEL LONELY, LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE LEFT BEHIND.

WHEN I START LIVING ALONE AS AN ADULT, IT'LL BE LIKE THIS EVERY DAY...

I WONDER IF SHE WAS SPENDING NIGHTS LIKE THIS TOO, BEFORE I CAME HERE...

I MISSED MY OPPORTUNITY AND ENDED UP HANDING IT OVER AT A STRANGE TIME A FEW DAYS LATER.

P55

MORE THAN A WEEK HAS PASSED SINCE THEN...

BUT I STILL HAVE REGRETS...

I GUESS I SHOULDN'T DO THINGS I'M NOT USED TO...

WHY WOULD I GIVE A BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO A GROWN WOMAN...

EVEN SO...

HASN'T SHE BEEN IN THE BATH TOO LONG?

DIDN'T SOMETHING SIMILAR HAPPEN BEFORE...

P56

WHAT HAPPENED?

ARE YOU OKAY?

SUDDENLY...
I FELT DIZZY WHEN I STOOD UP...

I WAS SO DIZZY...

I FELL ASLEEP IN THE BATH...

RINA-NEECHAN...

ON SECOND THOUGHT...

AWESOME... SHE SMELLS GOOD...

P57

SHE'S SOFT...

REALLY...

FOR THE FIRST TIME, I WAS ABLE TO HOLD BACK...

IT SHOULD HAVE DONE IT SOONER...

P58

END OF 3RD SEMESTER

GOING ON SPRING BREAK

A YEAR HAS FINALLY PASSED SINCE WE STARTED LIVING TOGETHER.

IN THE END... WHAT HAS THIS YEAR BEEN LIKE FOR ME?

I THINK I MANAGED TO DO OK UNTIL HALFWAY THROUGH. UNTIL THE DAY I MADE A MISTAKE...

I LET OTHER PEOPLE FORCE ME INTO A CORNER AND ENDED UP LIVING WITH A WOMAN IN A WAY THAT WAS FAR FROM IDEAL. INEVITABLY I DID STUPID THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

IF THAT FIRST TIME...

IF I HADN'T DONE THAT...

IF ONLY I HAD SUPPRESSED MY DESIRES...

I WONDER WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED...

P59

HAS ANYTHING CHANGED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HER?

IF... IF SOMETHING WAS DIFFERENT...

IF SHE WASN'T MY RELATIVE...

IF I WASN'T A STUDENT...

IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY...

GEEZ
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO...

RIGHT... IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT BEING A FREELOADER...

THANK YOU!

P60

IF WASN'T A CHILD...

WHAT WOULD IT HAVE BEEN LIKE LIVING TOGETHER?

IN TWO YEARS I'LL GRADUATE AND LEAVE HERE... NOTHING WILL GO RIGHT...

WE'LL STILL JUST BE PASSING BY ONE ANOTHER, UNABLE TO SAY ANYTHING... I GUESS THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO CHILDREN.

END

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