So... That's the second chapter of my son became my daughter.
So far, what are you guys thinking? What you guys believe can be improved?

THIS,IS ELON MUSK

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These are recommendations that I believe could be useful. It’s perfectly fine if we have different perspectives, or if none of this aligns with your goals—keep doing what you’re doing. In the end, the ideas you want to convey are clear. (English is not my native language, sorry if something is not understood.)

I'll start with the good stuff; I like the natural feminine beauty that Tony has—it makes her look really good when she wears cute and fitted clothes.
Your body language expression is lacking. With Tony, it usually works because you can imagine she's like a mannequin who’s “hypnotized,” but with Tim, it looks strange. When they’re together, both seem hypnotized because you often leave Tim’s hand super straight while the other is slightly bent, and you let his fingers stay too stiff. The best example, I think, would be in Chapter 1 when Tim says,

“Could you give me one of those cigarettes of yours?” Tim’s left arm is stretched out like a mannequin, and his right arm is holding his stomach—it looks like he’s inviting him to eat. It would’ve been better if his hand was waving (like when you’re trying to get someone’s attention with a "Hey" 👋). It would’ve taken the same effort and looked more natural. When it’s like this, watch TV shows—they often exaggerate expressions to radiate energy and keep the audience engaged—or cartoons. You don’t even need to watch the entire episode; TikTok usually uploads the "best" scenes.

The thing is, it doesn’t matter if the audience doesn’t consciously notice all the details I’ve pointed out—it’s all about the feeling. People naturally sense when something looks off. If you can’t manage that, maybe try making Tony look more "robotic" (with a more forced smile, a more vacant stare with wider eyes, smaller pupils, not looking at any specific spot). That might help balance it out—at least when Tony is on screen.
The colors you’re using are very unappealing. You need to look into color theory (specifically for erotic stories). You should put more effort into the covers, especially if you want to attract more people.

The following points for "improvement" depend entirely on the direction the story is meant to take.
It’s supposed to be that Tim is a specialist in feminization—his contact was recommended to the father because of Tim’s past achievements. But at the same time, Tim didn’t know the ray was going to work… so, did he have other methods before? Did he not create the ray himself?

For something that’s essentially a MacGuffin, you seem to be overcomplicating it. I think you shouldn’t delve deeper into this, because in other stories they do, and we start to see that a demon did it, and we see their world, secret agencies, mad scientists, and look, in other stories/video games/comics of this genre they take us to other alternative universes in something that was supposed to only be about fucking hypnotized people, and nothing more, in the end the public doesn't care and the artist wasted a lot of time designing everything.

There's a lot of kissing, so I don't know if the story is going for something more romantic, or it's just an erotic tool, because once again it seems to lack acting, I was hoping they would kiss at the movie theater, to fool around for a while, for Tim to stick a finger in Tony's ass, play with his nipples, it depends, if the plot is more romantic, you could have them play with their tongues in the kissing scenes (as exaggerated as you like), have Tony blush when he's not in "submissive" mode when he sees Tim (giving us the impression that he's changing his true self) have him carry her in a romantic way (hugging, laughing), but if it's more erotic, Tim could grab his pre-cum with his fingers and force them down her throat, have Tony lick Tim's ass, use his mouth for dirtier things.

If there’s going to be humiliation, context is needed (to bring someone down, they first need to be “up”). For example, I’m eagerly waiting to see in the story what’s mentioned in Tony’s description at the end of the first episode: “…Very sensitive about his girly looks.” I think this will be something really fun to explore later on. For instance, maybe some unpleasant guy is teasing him about his feminine appearance in Chapter 3. Tony could get furious, maybe even aggressive. (But by Chapter 5, after some training sessions, Tony could fuck the nasty boy while wearing very feminine clothes..) Or from what I understand, the father feels excited by seeing his son being submissive, you could make him start groping his own daughter, and little by little Tony accepts it.

Personally, I think Tony already has very beautiful and feminine hair. What should come first, in my opinion, is light makeup to make his lips look glossier and slightly pinker, with rosy blush and eyeliner.

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