Good marks for effort, not so much for drawing skill. I don't understand why some artists want to depart from the original style and create their own. Do they really think it is better? Or - scary thought - do they fail to see the difference? Sigh.
Also: is it western or not? Credit page calls it translation but doesn't give any information about from what source.
@Piotrus Some people find talent in replicating the styles of others, while others choose to give their own interpretation. (Hopefully) They don't think theirs is better, just unique, their own.
Granted, I'm not a fan of this style either, but having your own style is how most artists express themselves.
>I don't understand why some artists want to depart from the original style and create their own
As a rule, artists do not choose to have a specific drawing style, it develops automatically from their talents, influences, and preferences. In fact, replicating someone else's style is incredibly difficult to do even in a general manner, much less doing so perfectly.
I agree, when we see doujins we see it in another styles, and sometimes the results are even better (because they have a better grasp at anatomy, or add details for example), or make it worse, I, for example, while I use my style for parodies and whatnot, depending the series it can look passable, or well done, and with others, it looks lackluster, or crappier.