Right now, i only read the intro, but the creator really needs an editor, this englisch is a pain to read even to a non-native englisch speaker like me XD Story idea has potential though.
While the English was bad enough, the 3d models look awful(See pg44 for jut one of many examples). The posses, backdrops, and the facial expressions which look far to silly also ruin what could have been a nice concept.