Cute story bro!

Base +3, Acevhg +6, hentailovu +4, shuntensatsu +11, Toastkoro +7, c0ff33br34k +6, 58569 +6, Demordred +6, Shinryu-Rex +6, Feladrance +5, Sorority Lowerful +2, extin954 +6, neoeccel +7, and 2 more...

Very cute, indeed!

Base +4, Acevhg +6, hentailovu +4, shuntensatsu +11, Amakawa_Yuuto +11, Leoevil +9, c0ff33br34k +6, 58569 +6, Shinryu-Rex +6, extin954 +6, neoeccel +7, rooldeewurldman +4, somercet +8

That's what want to read before I go to sleep.
Very Sweet.

Base +6, Acevhg +6, hentailovu +4, shuntensatsu +11, Amakawa_Yuuto +11, Leoevil +9, c0ff33br34k +6, 58569 +6, Demordred +6, Shinryu-Rex +6, Sorority Lowerful +2, extin954 +6, neoeccel +7, and 2 more...

Finished reading and I just got cavities... and diabetes!

Base +7, shuntensatsu +11, Amakawa_Yuuto +11, 58569 +6, Demordred +6, Blaze Viper +6, Shinryu-Rex +6, Sorority Lowerful +2, extin954 +6, rooldeewurldman +4, somercet +8

Every time I read a story of Maruta makes me feel like surfing over the waves of vanilla, it is marvelous.

Thanks for the sharing it.

Base +6, hentailovu +4, shuntensatsu +11, Amakawa_Yuuto +11, Leoevil +9, c0ff33br34k +6, Shinryu-Rex +6, extin954 +6, neoeccel +7, rooldeewurldman +4, somercet +8

Awesome Story ^_^

Thanks for the share.

Base +6, shuntensatsu +11, c0ff33br34k +6, rooldeewurldman +4, somercet +8

Interesting story.The Art is not too bad either.

Base +5, kondoriyano -6, rooldeewurldman +4

Posted on 03 December 2014, 13:31 UTC by Accuro[Vote+] [Vote-]Score +5
Interesting story.The Art is not too bad either.
Base +5

@Accuro
What are you saying!?
Maruta is a god tier artist, his art is great.

Base +15, shuntensatsu +11, 58569 +6, rooldeewurldman +4

God-tier artist, ruined by shit-tier translation. I had to re-read the first pages several times to figure out what they were talking.

Please, can you spend a few minutes to read what you wrote? It's like there are zero proofreading at all. My boner went kill during the sex scene because of the trans.

Base +7, TYRANUS +7, LordPants +6, 58569 +6, kondoriyano -6, nolol111 -6, extin954 +6, rooldeewurldman -4, Kaede73 +10

As expected of CGrascal's inconsistent quality: this one is actually decent. I don't think it needs to be tagged as poor grammar.

Technical:
p2: “She’ll have a girlfriend in real life!” - Contextually incorrect. “She probably has a girlfriend in real life!”
p4: “You could have finally be a part of an actual lesbian couple.” - Inconsistent tenses. “You could have finally been part of an actual lesbian couple.”
p15: “We’re lovers… You don’t want to, Nagisa?” - “Lovers” is obviously a noun, but the second sentence refers to it as a verb. The complete sentence is therefore “you don’t want to lovers, Nagisa?” which is just plain incorrect. “We’re lovers… You don’t want that, Nagisa?”
p19: “I thought that feminine boys was my type.” - Incorrect subject-verb agreement. “I thought that feminine boys were my type.”
p19-20: “That’s so.” - Nagisa’s confirming with Riku. “Is that so?”

Awkward:
p2: “Well, let’s go home then?” - Makes Nagisa appear impatient. “Shall we go home, then?”
p4: “It’s like you can actually go out with a girl like her.” - The use of “it’s like” makes this sound like a very half-hearted statement.
p15: “It’s alright for them to think we are dating?” - “Is it alright for them to think we are dating?”
p16: “You’re lifting your hips up.” - Things only go up when they’re lifted; "up” is therefore redundant.

Base +8, crazymagic +11, 58569 +6, nolol111 -6, neoeccel +7

aurumauriga: I feel that p15 is "We are lovers -> you don't want to be", not "you don't want to lovers"

Base +3, chaz831 +6