Original English Version:
/g/495373/e64111b86d/

As some of the community members don't like rewrites, I'm starting a blog where I'll be uploading them:
http://hentai-rewrites.blogspot.com.br/

@spierdalacz
"So how low the score has to get for you to understand that rewrites aren't exactly welcome here? If you're going to write fanfiction, go to appropriate sites."

People put hentai artist on pedestals, when most of them don't even try to make a proper story. People set standards that even the artist himself don't have. Words like "desecrate" are generaly used to describe rewrites... Really?? Desecrate? "The act of depriving something of its sacred or holy character". People take porn too seriously, and yet... I'm almost with 300 additions to favorite with my other rewrite, so they are "welcome here", but not by you!

The only argument I'm taking seriously is jankull's. And to him I apologize for my mistakes, because that's constructive criticism.

I remember the original story was a boy meeting his girlfriend's mother, not his own mother....

Last edited on 12 February 2015, 21:58.

Base +7, ThatCanadianGuy +6, Syokool +6, luffyq1 +6, The Naughty Shrink +6, invisible5 +6, Cookiezmaster +2, Neopheonix0 +6, magico alverman +7, HonorableShogun +5, Manticorum +14, benalishsiward +7, hoobojeo +11, and 36 more...

I have generally not enjoyed rewrites. At some point or another, there's some (or even many) jarring inconsistencies between what's drawn and what's read that take me back out of the story. Haven't seen many that were well-written with proper spelling and grammar either, and who wants to jack off to something a 5th-grader might have wrote? Ew.

This one though... No misspellings or really awful grammar caught my notice, and mainly the only thing changed was the background relationship between the three, so we get almost the same story but with much more... INTERESTING implications! I'm gonna vote it up. ^_^

Base +7, waltergeist -8, ThatCanadianGuy -6, Syokool +6, kidzukare -7, dharumas -17, dnbdave -28, totaljerklol -5, HonorableShogun -5, Shiki_Nanaya -7, Seraphy- -6, crazymagic -11, asphexor -6, and 5 more...

p01 she calls him onii-san, that mean he is her older brother.
p11/12 he calls her nee-san, that mean she is his older sister.

so who is older than who?

Base +7, Beane +7, The Naughty Shrink +6, Raift +6, Neopheonix0 +6, RAGE1 +14, oneiwonder +6, narach +7, celcius_01 +10, DarkAdoniis +6, southrim +23, disposable.respect +5, Evyy +6, and 14 more...

@Hinoron: U kidding?

I opened one page to check this work, the 02, and I already saw three errors...

"It's been so long since you two don't VISIST me..."
"LEAVING alone can be really boring..."
and for the 2nd time: "...kids could spare a moment to VISIST me!"

Sorry pal, but even if you can make the best rewrite of the world, I won't even bother reading it if you don't bother readproof it...

1.5 stars, for the good typesetting and the merging of page 12.

Always re-read your work twice before posting it, at a normal pace.

Base +8, The Naughty Shrink +6, Neopheonix0 +6, animadversion +5, benalishsiward +7, Anony12788 +9, RAGE1 +14, sonictmp +7, Binglo +55, celcius_01 +10, TFAisZ +6, southrim +23, Ejastik +7, and 19 more...

>Rewrite of this already translated awesome hentai
I understand the reasoning, but not the emotion.

Base +12, The Naughty Shrink +6, benalishsiward +7, oneiwonder +6, narach +7, Pillowgirl +20, Steak Puncher +4, disposable.respect +5, Warbob500 +7, Poopfromabutt +6, NitroRaikou +5, ShowMehYaMoves +5, noCTRL +3, and 2 more...

So how low the score has to get for you to understand that rewrites aren't exactly welcome here? If you're going to write fanfiction, go to appropriate sites.

Base +8, Kainthedamned +13, yejz +6, dharumas +17, comic2comic -6, DarthGouf +3, majere007 -14, shinangels +18, Odetamo +6, NippleFire +10, Scorned +3, animadversion +5, Dosatron +6, and 60 more...

I like this more

Base +6, waltergeist -8, HonorableShogun -5, TK162 -7, Neopheonix0 -6, dharumas -17, hase34 -4, benalishsiward -7, P.Draei -7, Seraphy- -6, crazymagic -11, Kodomo_P -6, Harada Yui -7, and 6 more...

Rewrites in 2015

Base +7, benalishsiward +7, CrossRook +5, MHF +7, oneiwonder +6, blue88 +11, narach +7, guitar+frying +6, Ejastik +7, Pillowgirl +20, cdosbrother +6, Steak Puncher +4, disposable.respect +5, and 8 more...

Y u do dis. Please stop.

Base +6, narach +7, guitar+frying +6, celcius_01 +10, Satyre -7, Ejastik +7, faulkn -6, Angelione +7, Mika2020 +7, Steak Puncher +4, Warbob500 +7, thatstupidpanda -4, Rahien +6, and 3 more...

oh hey an olddogs clone.

Sadly, he's not too smart as the others.

Base +7, HankFromHell -6

rewrites are the cancer that is killing /h/

Base +5, celcius_01 +10, Satyre -7, herpderp5545 +7, faulkn -6, Angelione +7, PSIMagnetAlpha +8, Steak Puncher +4, nickahousan +6, vuikinh +6, Warbob500 +7, thatstupidpanda -4, DeronRav +7, and 5 more...

I don't mind rewrites as long as they are good, it is labeled as a rewrite, and the original is already translated into English.

Your rewrite fits all three criteria, Great work.

Base +7, Mercsenary +7, zzl4100598 +19, Medde +6, allpainter3way -6, Yngvi +6, faulkn +6, Sebbafan -7, user777 +7, miketheman +5, justayolk +5, thatstupidpanda +4, windregalias -6, and 12 more...

Nice, thanks.

Base +5, The_Unnamed -7, TFAisZ -6, faulkn +6, Ryo75 -11, Mika2020 -7, zinos6 -8, nickahousan -6, disposable.respect -5, vuikinh -6, unangbangkay -6, NitroRaikou +5, HankFromHell +6, and 1 more...

there should be more

Base +3, Mika2020 -7, zinos6 -8, nickahousan -6, disposable.respect -5, vuikinh -6, Poopfromabutt -6, sofienb +4, Rahien -6, pokey1 -6, HankFromHell +6, Sle1nde1rma1n +6

This is bad and you should feel bad. I wish there was still the option to expunge something for being trash.

Base +7, Mika2020 +7, miketheman -5, Mercsenary -7, disposable.respect +5, Warbob500 +7, thatstupidpanda -4, DeronRav +7, sofienb -4, pokey1 +6, NitroRaikou -5, ShowMehYaMoves +5, HankFromHell -6, and 1 more...

Is it just me or does the brother look a bit like Gabriel from Penny arcade?

All things aside this was actually surprisingly, if not just amusing. But did it cut off or was that really the end of it?

Base +7, KNY -9, pokey1 -6, NitroRaikou +5, Dormoned +6, HankFromHell +6

Hey I actually quite liked this rewrite. It was really naughty and fit the images well. I hope you do more :)

Base +9, NitroRaikou +5, JokesEnd -2, HankFromHell +6, Sle1nde1rma1n +6

@H0R0
"p11/12 he calls her nee-san, that mean she is his older sister."
Fuck are you on about? Nee-san is younger sister
Nii-san = younger brother
Nee-san = younger sister
Onii-san = older brother
Onee-san = older sister

Base +11, oneiwonder -7, C-r-y-s-t -6, kanhsir -6

The incest angle did absolutely nothing to improve the story. In fact, it only made it awkward. Please don't be so quick to change the original story when you yourself lack any storytelling chops.

Base +6, HankFromHell -6, Sle1nde1rma1n -6

@Shinryu-Rex
If you want to correct someone, at least make sure you know your shit instead of looking like an idiot. Nee-san/Nii-san is simply an abbreviation of Onee-san/Onii-san. Imouto/Otouto is for younger siblings. Additionally, Onee-san/Onii-san is not strictly used for family and can refer to someone who's simply a bit older than the person using it (generally used for teenagers to younger adults). Ane/Ani would be more conclusive, since those refer strictly to your own sister or brother (not definitive, though, since it can refer to family members that aren't blood-related, e.g. brother's wife). In fact, the -san honorific makes it even less likely, since that indicates a certain amount of distance and is generally not used for the family of the person speaking, unless they grew up separated or such.

Base +9