On page three, she's clearly wearing underwear.
On page six she says she's not/wasn't wearing underwear.

The wonderful logic of rewrites. xD

Base +10, tomgabor +6, amurec80 +4, buzzsaw5k +10, magico alverman +7, trolling.fag +9, lunarnors +5, Someboday +6, Bazookaham +9, Psyguy +6, krudda +7, exh-m +2, BlueSmoke +3, and 26 more...

and here's the actual tl: /g/541672/6abf3fb70c/

Base +17, amurec80 +4, ziom236 +8, goodboy24 +9, kenabrxg -4, alkanos1234 +5, magico alverman +7, lunarnors +5, csavarhuzo +5, homogenized +8, krudda +7, exh-m +2, hase34 +5, and 31 more...

1. Tiny font does not = 'can say more'. Changes pacing for scene & overall tone.
2. Some points have too much exposition. Dialog becomes unnatural.
3. If you _have_ to do a rewrite, at least do untranslated work- not that you'll be 'improving' the authors work either way- but at least it'll be understandably different.
Ok attempt, though.

Base +9, Senor Pwnage +7, narach +7, sonnytag123 +6, XLS1 +7, Captian Katsura +6, pencilfight +6, piedol +6, strippinheat +9, hobozombie +8, Laharl_EAC +9, supersayan +6, marcellus345 +6, and 2 more...

Thanks bolt. I hate those Big-titted cock teasing Step-mom's myself. lol

Base +6, hase34 -5, BlueSmoke -3, Senor Pwnage -7, Darksideofme -6, daevilmonkey +7, Mikegamer -8, amurec80 -4, Syerthrix -6, tomgabor +6, Mattygod +5, Captian Katsura -6, Selin -12, and 6 more...

Sorry about that, I never saw the translation and didn't know it had been translated. I try to avoid anything that's been translated since it's already been done.

Base +2, hase34 -5, chakaboudipof -5, yaoiboi +6, 7dragoon -6, Senor Pwnage -7, Bazookaham -9, Kenzaki Kazuma -18, forneus_zero -11, narach -7, daevilmonkey +7, amurec80 -4, Avhan -5, and 6 more...

Crap rewrite. please petition to remove it.

Base +7, hotdog22011 +4, narach +7, Darksideofme -6, El Hombre +6, Red Sand +7, Mikegamer +8, amurec80 +4, AN1337 +6, paradocks +6, superchaos777 +6, Mattygod -5, Captian Katsura +6, and 16 more...

Great very good

Base +2, superchaos777 -6, tomgabor -6, Mattygod +5, Captian Katsura -6, pencilfight -6, Selin -12, Bugalugs -6, Marisa Kirisame -7, vuikinh -6, strippinheat -9, SapphireJack -7, crazymagic -12, and 1 more...

Why the hate sonictmp? There are much worse stuff here. Much worse.

Base +2, fujimura-kun +10, amurec80 -4, tomgabor -6, Captian Katsura -6, Gordislan -7, pencilfight -6, kenuran -7, Selin -12, Bugalugs -6, Marisa Kirisame -7, vuikinh -6, SapphireJack -7, and 2 more...

2 rewrites in a row tf isdishit

Base +16, supersayan +6

This rewrite is such a big fucking cock-sucking piece of shit.

Base +6, supersayan +6

I thought this was gonna be like "Me Stepmum's Too Fuckin' Hot, Mate!"

This rewrite is a fucking cock tease

Base +6, ChaseRaph69 +4, newtype711 +6

Taking the incest out of a Yokkora story is like taking the smile of the Mona Lisa bro

Base +6, MeIwin +6