Translated and typeset by me. Comment any grammar errors and I will fix them as soon as possible.
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Just to be clear, I added "creativity" in a few bubbles. You'll know which ones when you read them.

Raws:
/g/914988/0ba6fedd2d/

No one fuck has given that day...

Base +4, exodios -8, FertyJukli -6, GuroLover12 -10, Surviva -6, FutanariOverAnything -2, imuzi_atanok -6, Zantos -7, Buraku-chan -10, TIE_Defender2nd -9, mondo2000 -7, CarmeloAnthony -6, Rouge･ -30, and 1 more...

Cuck shit. Also implying she wouldnt go full yandere.

Base +6, Miriah -7, 889zas -6, StillWind -23, pond39267 +6, gregtoma -10, exodios -8, Buraku-chan -10, Rouge･ -30, boombadillo +8, crazymagic -12, ichirohiroku -9, Surviva -6, and 4 more...

Great another cuck shit of this

Base +6, gregtoma -10, exodios -8, Buraku-chan -10, Rouge･ -30, boombadillo +8, Rarris -11, crazymagic -12, ichirohiroku -9, Surviva -6, trident23 -5, DattacK -7, Colonia -6, and 4 more...

So? Her prophecy come true?

Base +6, Zantos +7, HallowedAtrain -7, fuckmewitharake -7, mark 519* -6, kananath -7, nignogwindything -6

please stop with the sora netorare its not good for my heart. Thankfully she just imagined this one.

Base +4, Surviva -6, deathaa666 +7, 889zas -6, GuroLover12 +10, waltergeist -8, Almanik +9, oieusahuhsa +7, Zantos -7, Buraku-chan -10, TIE_Defender2nd -9, Miriah -7, mn9 -6, and 13 more...

@shakuganaexa

I appreciate your efforts but there's creativity, and then there's making up entire dialogues that bear no resemblance to the original Japanese text.
Page 13, for example. Can you even read Japanese?

Base +4, GuroLover12 -10, Mannix_ -6, meatyllamastick +6, waltergeist +8, oieusahuhsa +7, Miriah +7, Arsel +6, sdfsabweb3b3 +5, stupid army +7, heshang -7, cld_bak -6, anonywhat +5, and 13 more...

The translation seems to be largely spot on based on the few pages I skimmed but as Westing has mentioned, too much unneeded stuff has been added. Page 6 is another example. The speech bubble on the bottom right of the top right panel was just the guy whistling/similar sound effect in the RAWs but after translation it turned into a dialogue?

Base +6, anonywhat +5, Starro +6, jfragrettel +7, waltergeist +8, MSZ-008 +6, Shadow Yui +6, mellowjello +8, kananath +7, TheOldDeus +8, RadiantLore-chan +7

I love Sora so much that I want to kill her to put into my bag.

Base +1, climacus +1, ZarisaHime -8, mark 519* -6, fuckmewitharake +7, nobody2333 -1, cyhzz -2, kananath -7, jordan ap +6, EllincedeT +8, see-eff -6, BrianTT -6, Porphyah -6, and 5 more...

Netorare stories deserve dumb rewrite like this

Base +6, inkarian21 +6, elvendrunk -11, RadiantLore-chan -7, MelmothTheWanderer -30

。。。。

Base +1