This is my first translation work so any and all feedback is welcome. Also this is the fourth book in the series but chronologically the first. I will be working on volume 1 soon when I get more time... and thank god it will require less editing. I really should have chosen an easier doujin to work with... Anyways, enjoy and don't forget to comment.

This is a Touhou doujin by Fukai Ryousuke.
Original: /g/756870/0e9bba3d5b/
External info: http://www.doujinshi.org/book/372859/
http://www.melonbooks.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=IT0000139919

PS. If anyone could upload the original(Japanese) for volume 2,3, or 4, it would be great.

April 17 Edits: Grammar and some other minor changes.

not a fan of Touhou stuff myself (let the downvotes rain now) but an upcoming translator is always welcome on the scene , good job so far there pal

Base +6, Trickster-kun -6, Tovarich1 +7, Zelinko -8, Kelloxx -6, tau_warlord -6, Teh_Red_Guy -8

It's pretty good, man!

Base +4

I might re-do page 8 and fix the typo for the belt notes on page 30 tomorrow. But for now, it's time to hit the sack.

Base +6

Some spots I noticed:
Pg. 7, Panel 4 - "the whole Gensokyo" should be "the whole of Gensokyo."

Pg. 13, Panel 5 - "lead the special effects" should be "led the special effects"
>>"had to research on move production" should be "had to research movie production"
>>"It was really a lot of work" would sound more natural as "It really was a lot of work"

Pg. 13, Panel 6 - "covered yourself in speech bubble" should be "covered yourself in speech bubbles"

Pg. 15, Panel 4 - "I'm not the one to say" would be more natural as "I'm not one to say"

Pg. 16, Panel 5 - As on page 7, "the whole Gensokyo" should be "the whole of Gensokyo"

Pg. 17, Panel 4 - "too young to be thinking about our death" should be "too young to be thinking about our deaths"

Pg. 19, Panel 4 - "Also, purely magic won't be enough seal the powers" should be "Also, pure magic won't be enough to seal the powers"

Pg. 20, Panel 3 - "a non-human with long enough lifespan" should be "a non-human with a long enough lifespan"
>>> "has fought danmaku battle with us" should be "has fought danmaku battles with us"
>>>"remember our fighting style as well" should be "remember our fighting styles as well"

Pg. 23, Panel 5 - "us humans have a short lifespan" should be "we humans have short lifespans"

Pg. 27, bottom - "more simple" should be "simpler"

Pg. 30 (and on pg 19, panel 3 if relevant) - "While we're still have our strength" should be "While we still have our strength"
>>>"Will allow the user to use it" would be better as "Will allow the wearer to use it" (Just to avoid putting the same word twice in one sentence)

That's all that I saw. I sometime QC on a different site, so this is just what I'd do. It's up to you what to change or not change.

Base +5, sapphiron +9, Zelinko +8, Paty_ +8, flippernino +6

@onikamikun Thanks for the grammar check!

I'll try to make less mistakes next time but grammar is not something I can improve right away :P And I don't have a proof reader either... so I really appreciate it. Also, any problems with the editing? Like I said, it's really my first time doing this so even the most basic advices are welcome.

Last edited on 17 April 2016, 06:56.

Base +6

so did Sanae come up with a Kamen rider belt or what :V

Base +7

@HKE: Just a nice downvote for you because you assume people will downvote you.

Nice to see a different type of Touhou work on here! Very exciting! Would love to see more, and I hope you take the pointers from onikamikun and continue to improve your translations, tanklorry. Nice work!

Base +7

Pg. 9
Dat Panty and Stocking pose... FLY AWAY NOW. FLY AWAY NOW. FLY AWAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY.

Base +10