I'm looking for feedback on my latest creation.

The feedback I'm looking for most (as I think I have to improve there the most) is pacing, storytelling and communication (in the comic between the characters).

I'm also looking for suggestions where to publish this to get more feedback.

I signed up to DeviantArt for that: https://www.deviantart.com/lylaleluu

@Franstein you could try Artuntamed!:P
https://artuntamed.com/index.php?media/Portal

Base +6

Honestly in the 3D department for porn you're miles ahead by actually making your story have strips and boxes instead of single images for each page. The main frustration with this art style is having stories that are 600 pages when they could easily be less than 80. People who want release from porn usually don't like navigating several dozens of pages until things get good. And even if they do it's annoying to have multiple pages only exist for simple transitions that aren't needed to understand the pacing. I was never confused in this comic about where the next scene took place. Which believe it or not is something common with this artstyle (look up Balthamel if you want a solid example of confusing scene transitions and confusing storytelling). The writing is a bit clinical but functions well enough. Just keep in mind you're writing for people to enjoy themselves. If you take to long to cut to the chase then that might be a problem. That being said there is an audience for long form stories so it's still viable as an option. Communication wise, ultimately the hardest part of writing is not having the same voice for every character. That's not exclusive to porn. It's something you need to grow on personally. The best advice is to just keep at it and try and socialize and research people to get good reference for your work.

Normally the best thing you can do is understand what you're trying to get from the audience. If you want story with pornographic material then you want more dialog with realistic narrative so it feels engaging by how realistic it is. If you want porn over story then go for more campy or earnest dialog and have actual pornographic material. The way this reads is the former. Which is risky because you're hoping that there is an audience large enough to merit success off of the fetishes alone without the actual sex scenes. So I guess just make sure you know what you want to get out of your audience and do it well enough to overcome that lack of constant sex scenes. Personally, If the story isn't cutting to the chase and representing what I want then I tend to tune out unless the kinks are specifically catered to my preferences. So if you're going to do porn, the real goal is to make sure you know what your audience wants and to stick to it for the story. If it lacks actual sex scenes but has the kinks, that should be enough to carry your audience through it. In the end just make sure you stick to those preferences and not try and add to many wild cards. Once you've established the kind of story it is it's usually best to stick with the tone and not try to switch things up to much. Most importantly though do what you personally find to be enticing. If you try and cater you'll just cater to nobody.

Pacing wise it's hard to judge, this is only 40 pages in so I can't really give you much response to it. Normally with comics like these I can do a better job at telling people once the story has ended. I will say I was kinda hoping for the MtF stuff to take place over the entirety of the story and not in a single scene. But that's more preference than opinion. If I had anything definitive to criticize over the story it would be maybe having more to do with understanding why the main character isn't as questioning as they should be to a sex change. Just a few lines of dialog with them thinking if it was really worth doing before going through it for something as simple as a promotion. Just let the reader know there was the concept of reasonable doubt from the main character rather than it coming off as not as big of a deal as it should be.

Either way, solid comic so far. Keep it up.

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My main suggestion is to slow down the transformation.
-Focus on the transformation of each part (boobs development, face changes, height change, body shape change, genitals)
-How the transformation felt in each step? For example, the "ugh" on page 23 was pain, pleasure or simply a burp? Give us some facial expressions.

-Getting pierced should have hurt more than a simple jump.

-Also, your main character should talk more. Doctor said that he will take a sex change drug, being pierced and use a collar for some time. And he simply say: "it looks fine for me"

But it's a good start, continue your work

Base +6, richwy +6, MajorSchwanstuker +7, VK4502e +6, Nodoka-chan +6

Even with a kink like gender change, there are many sub-kinks.

Some people are most interested in the setup/premise. They want to know about the circumstances under which the change happens. Is it common or uncommon, expected or unexpected, fast or slow, voluntary or coerced, magical or technological. temporary or permanent… The world building can be fun in its own right, as you work out all of the details, but you're kind of locking yourself into an existing world with X-Change.

Some people are most interested in the character's reaction to the change. The inner journey, as they say.

And some people are most interested in the physical transformation itself. Penis shrinking, breasts enlarging, hair growing, and so on.

It's VERY difficult to please everyone, so don't try. Just do what you yourself are most interested in, and you will find an audience.

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Thank you, wertzu2112, Crhoomsh33, pmso and IngmarS. I really appreciate the feedback.

Base +10, maniac_76 +6, 01Anon +6, Fallen_Prince +6

@Franstein
I liked the story so far. My suggestion (and request) are bigger text and darker pink color for better contrast and legibility.

Base +4

Thank you, Ciano21. I have increased the font size and colour a bit and also noticed that the speech bubbles for the conversation by mobile of the main character Lyle and his best friend Bob weren't correctly formated.

Last edited on 09 February 2023, 19:10.

Base +10

Go My Sex Chat - www.grzldo.cyou/id374

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"The feedback I'm looking for most"

Put it on http://tgcomics.com/

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I liked the story and the pacing. I particularly liked page 87, where you used a 3x3 panel showing changes or progression occurring over a period of time. You presentation of the hypnosis was also pretty good!

As for storytelling, I for one appreciate the direction. Hypnosis stories usually go to extremes and while that’s fine, it’s also a nice change of pace when there is a bit of nuance and reasonableness in the characters. I appreciate that Bob has actual depth and interest in a variety of things, not just BDSM. No matter where the story ends up, this little moment of caution and moral/ethical concern was a nice, unique addition.

Base +6

if your target is making comic using 3d cg then try learning about panelling, composition and how to use balloon dialog

Base +6

Hello NoControlHere and delta470.
Thank you very much, NoControlHere, for your detailed feedback. I really appreciate that you took the time for that. I fully agree that I need to get more comfortable and knowledgable about how to setup panels for the right pacing and details. A really bad example on my part are pages 12 and 13 (Lyle waiting in the doctors waiting room). I should have made that in 1 page with more images to display his struggles.

@delta470 I fully agree with you that panelling, composition and balloon dialogue are important. If you could share some insight where I could improve the most (for example on a certain page) that would be great.

Base +10

You can start by read or watch some video about making comic, composition wise i suggest "framed ink" book. Always start with a script and story board, you dont need a good drawing for storyboarding but it will really improving your final works. Try storyboarding first with pencil and paper on how the paneling should be on each page then rig the 3d model according to storyboard. If you are not sure you can always check on the book, video or someone else comic on how to do it.

On balloon try using a different brighter font color with dark stroke for each character on page, what you have here is rather to hard to distinguish. If you have tablet or stylus try draw each balloon individually it will give more dynamic and organic feeling to it. If the character have thought alone or narated themselves you dont need a thought bubble, just write the text in the pages.

On panelling when he got gender changed, you can have panels to describe the process on first page and the final result on next page.

composition is rather hard subject especially on 3d. 2d works have more freedom because they can easily change the value and artstyle. Composition also can be affected by character or background placement and camera shot. Try learning about rule of third, symmetry, big medium small, shape, etc

Base +6

Thank you, delta470. I appreciate that you checked back on this and provided a lot of suggestions for learning and improvement.

Last edited on 18 June 2023, 11:45.

Base +10

This is a solid concept but the comic needs breathing room. The characters have no space to breath since so many pages ar multi panels with a ton of word bubbles you are over stuffing every page. Let it breath and let your characters have the space to soak up a scene instead of cramming it all together. Even if it means consolidating the story because there is a lot of word vomit

Base +6

Thank you, grazi556. I'm doing this as a hobby and I have no education in art or writing. I agree with you that I'm packing it pretty tightly on some pages. What would be an appropriate amount of words/statements/speech bubbles per frame?

Base +10